Thanks to the Wolves
by Disney Sorceress
Summary: New Moon. The wolves were just barely too late and Laurent was able to bite Bella in the meadow. Now the pack has to decide what to do with a soon-to-be newborn vampire. The answer? Call the Cullens. Complete!
1. Bite

**_Disclaimer: The Twilight Universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer_**

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**Bella**

"Mouthwatering…"

This was it. There was no way out this time, no one was coming to save me.

I was going to die.

Funny how that bothered me. I'd been as good as dead for the past five months, after all. I was broken and empty, bruised and torn beyond recognition. This would end the pain, give me some small measure of relief. Anyone in my place would be screaming for someone to finish the job.

But I still wanted to live. For Charlie if for no one else. My dad had me and that was it. I didn't want to think about how my death would unhinge him. But even as my long-dead heart ached for him, I knew Charlie wasn't the reason I wanted to live, though he was certainly reason enough.

No. I wanted to live because once my soul left my body, I would be entering a realm that_he_ had never walked before. A realm that he never would. And even though I hadn't seen him for five months, the idea of a separation so final, so permanent, was enough to tear the hole in my chest wide open.

It was enough to make me hope death really was the end, because it didn't matter where my soul ended up. If I wasn't with Edward, I'd be in my own personal purgatory.

I was frozen where I stood, crippled by the pain in my chest, entranced by the burgundy eyes of the predator in front of me. He crouched, moving so fast that he blurred, and I knew my time was up. I never would see Edward again. I closed my eyes, waiting…

The next thing I knew, Laurent's teeth broke through the skin at my throat and he started to drink away my life. My numb brain rejected the searing pain of the bite and the uncomfortable sensation of slow dehydration that was spreading through me. I waited for the end; I knew it couldn't be far.

I felt Laurent stiffen and let me go. Light-headed from the loss of so much blood, I collapsed to the ground.

But…something was wrong… I wasn't dead yet, was I? I could hear a strange growling and a high keening noise through the ringing in my ears, but I was distracted by the salty, rusty smell of my blood. The dizziness increased; my stomach churned…

But that was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the burning sensation that suddenly ripped through my throat.

**Jacob**

_No…no, no, no, NO!_

This could not be happening, not this too, on top of everything else!

Not to Bella!

Before I had first phased it had taken a lot to anger me. I don't think I had ever hated anyone. But I had changed.

Hate filled me now, hate for the filthy bloodsucker that was stealing Bella from me.

He knew we were there and after getting over his initial shock, he ran. But he wasn't nearly fast enough.

Sam and I tore the bloodsucker apart piece by reeking piece, my anger driving me as it never had before. It was so all-consuming that I almost forgot why I was angry in the first place. The leech was dead, but I just wanted to tear into something. Growls were ripping from me, my claws were shredding everything they came into contact with.

_Jake_! Embry's voice filled my mind, alarmed. _Calm down!_

_You can't help her if you can't phase back, _Sam's cool voice added.

Can't help her…

_Bella's alive?_

Her sudden, ragged cry of pain answered that question. I phased back in the blink of an eye, pulled on my sweats, and raced to Bella's side. She was twisting in agony, her hands clutching at her throat as she screamed. I could see her blood…

"He bit her…" I moaned, appalled, realizing at last what that meant.

Bella was turning into a vampire.

My first love was becoming my worst enemy. I barely noticed my shaking hands.

"Calm down," Sam said from behind me before I could lose it again. I turned to him helplessly.

"Sam…"

He held my gaze, his eyes full of sympathy. I turned back to Bella and tried to pick her up, but she was thrashing too hard.

"I can't believe we were too late _again_!" I heard Paul complaining bitterly as he, Jared, and Embry joined us in the meadow. "What kind of_protectors_ are we?"

"We killed the leech," Jared offered, though his voice too was gloomy. "It won't be able to hurt anyone else."

"We have a problem," Sam interrupted, causing the other three to fall silent. He gestured to Bella. "That leech didn't finish her off. She's changing."

My brothers were stunned into momentary silence.

"What the heck are we supposed to do with a newborn leech?" Jared asked quietly.

"Don't call her that," I growled.

"It's what she'll be, Jake," Embry sighed, and I couldn't answer. He was right. My Bella wouldn't be mine anymore.

"We'll have to kill her."

"No!" I was shaking again, glaring at Paul.

"Jake, she'll be a leech! She'll be hunting, right here! We can't leave her alive!"

"No," I growled. They couldn't kill her.

"Jake," Sam said quietly, "she can't stay here."

I knew that. The Bella I knew was dying. The one left behind would be completely different. She'd be bloodthirsty, uncontrollable… People I knew would get hurt. As a werewolf, I couldn't allow that.

But _Bella_…

And suddenly, I had the answer. As much as it hurt, as much as I hated it… There was a way. Bella could live.

As much as any vampire lives.

"The Cullens."

Everyone froze. Sam's eyes turned icy. I rushed to explain.

"Call the Cullens. Give her to them. They'll take care of her."

My brothers stared at me in shock. We all knew how much Sam hated the Cullens. And in a way, his hatred had fueled mine. But they were Bella's only chance. My only option.

"Look," I growled. "You want to kill Bella, you'll have to go through me." I could see the shock on their faces.

"Jake," Embry protested, "you couldn't win against all of us."

"I know. I don't care." I let that sink in. "Call the Cullens. Let her live."

As one, Paul, Jared, Embry, and I turned to Sam, awaiting the Alpha's decision. Sam scrutinized my face for a long moment before the ice in his eyes melted. He nodded slowly. "Jake's right. That's best for everyone."

Paul groaned. "I hate to rain on this party," he said sarcastically, "but the Cullens left five months ago. We don't know where they went. And even though we were so _close_, I'm sure we never swapped numbers with any of them. How are we supposed to reach them?"

Paul's defiance died under Sam's cool gaze. "We'll start with Forks Community Hospital. They'll have a way of reaching Dr. Cullen."

**Sam**

Trying to decide what to do with Bella Swan while we contacted and waited for the Cullens was difficult. Her screams would be too easily heard in La Push, and they would lead her poor father straight to her if we kept her in the meadow. Fortunately, after about a half an hour, the screams quieted and she stopped thrashing, so we took her to Emily's. She set about trying to make Bella as comfortable as possible. Jake wouldn't leave Bella's side, so we left Embry to keep him company and then set out for the hospital.

Running got us there faster than a car would have, but it was still full dark by the time we arrived. We dressed quickly and then walked into the emergency room and up to the lone nurse on duty.

"Can I help you?" she asked as Paul, Jared, and I lined up in front of her desk.

"We need Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I told her.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Cullen is no longer on our staff. Dr. Snow is in—"

"No," I interrupted. "We need Dr. Cullen. I know he's gone, but we'd hoped you'd be able to tell us how to reach him. A cell phone number."

The blond looked us over carefully, her face suddenly suspicious. "Did he ever sign a release for you?"

"No, but—"

"I can't give you that information without a release. I'm sorry."

I sighed. "He'd want to know what we have to tell him."

She definitely looked annoyed now. I could tell she was finger her panic button just in case we got unmanageable. "Regardless, I—"

"Do you _have_ Dr. Cullen's cell?" I asked. She paused, clearly not wanting to tell us. "Call him and ask if Sam Uley can have his number. Tell him we have some urgent news regarding an old friend of their family's. Do it right now."

Now the nurse looked more curious than alarmed. "I…I could do that," she admitted reluctantly.

"Please," I asked.

A little hesitantly, the nurse looked the number up on her computer and then dialed it swiftly into the desk phone.

She blushed when he answered.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen? This is Tiffany Marks from the Forks Community Hospital E.R. Sorry to bother you so late. I have a young man here named Sam Uley—" she looked at me for confirmation, then continued when I nodded "—who is asking for your cell phone number. He says he has urgent news about an old friend of your family." She listened for a moment, then nodded. "Of course." Then, without a word, she handed the receiver to me.

I turned my back on Ms. Marks' curious stare, hiding my relief that he'd been willing to talk.

"Dr. Cullen." I had to struggle to keep my voice civil.

"Sam Uley," he answered smoothly. "From the reservation. What can I do for you?"

"I have something both urgent and confidential that I need to speak to you about. My brothers and I have a problem we were hoping you could help us with."

"What sort of problem?" Always so _polite_.

"The kind I shouldn't be discussing with you where others can hear," I said pointedly. I lowered my voice to nearly a whisper. "Long story short, I know why your family never came to the reservation. My brothers and I are the same as the elders you met when you first came to Forks."

"…I see." I felt a thrill of satisfaction that this news surprised him.

"While you were last in Forks your family befriended a certain girl."

"Bella?" I was surprised at the concern now evident in his voice. "Is she alright?"

"She's in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?"

"I really can't say any more," I insisted. "It's difficult to explain right now, if you understand me. Having your number would be a great help," I added pointedly.

"Ah." I grabbed a pen and a flyer off of the desk and scribbled down the numbers Dr. Cullen told me.

"I'll call in about ten minutes."

"I'll be looking forward to it."

"Doubt that," I breathed as I gave the receiver back to Tiffany Marks, who was now staring at us with undisguised curiosity. "Thank you, ma'am," I smiled briefly. "Have a good evening."

And with that, Paul, Jared, and I left.

Ten minutes later we were back at Emily's and I was dialing the long-distance number.

"Sam," Dr. Cullen answered without preamble. It struck me again just how anxious he sounded. "What's going on?"

"Bella Swan was bitten by another lee—vampire early this evening. She's still alive, but she's changing. We can't have a newborn leech running around Forks, but Jacob Black is dead set against us killing her."

"That will not be necessary," Dr. Cullen cut in. "We'll come for her immediately. Where is she?"

"La Push."

"Hmm…"

"I think we can forget the treaty for one day," I said grimly. "As long as it's just you and you leave quickly."

"Agreed," Dr. Cullen said simply. "I'll leave now."

"When can we expect you by?"

"Tomorrow morning." I raised my eyebrows. They couldn't be that far then…

"Until then."

"Yes."

We both hung up. I looked around at my brothers' gloomy faces. "Dr. Cullen will be here for her tomorrow."

"What about Charlie?" Jacob asked, his voice rough. "Billy said he's called twice looking for her."

"We have to keep her away from him," I said simply. "As far as Charlie Swan is concerned, his daughter was eaten by the 'bear'."

Jacob winced. "Poor Charlie…"

**Jacob**

During the night, Bella started crying out again. We muffled it as best we could, but I was sure someone passing the house would have no trouble hearing her. Paul and Jared went home on Sam's orders, but Embry, Sam, and I sat up with Bella, waiting, wincing with each new cry of anguish.

It was a relief—for Sam and Embry at least—when Dr. Cullen showed up just before dawn. For me it felt a lot like what dying must feel like. He injected Bella with morphine and then carried her out the door and out of my life.


	2. Awakening

**_Disclaimer: The Twilight Universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer_  
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**Bella**

As consciousness slowly returned, the first thing I noticed was the lack of pain. I had hurt so much for so long I was surprised that I didn't ache anywhere.

The second thing I noticed was my very obvious lack of a heartbeat.

And I knew exactly what that meant.

I was up in a flash, my body sitting up at a speed that would have left my human self dizzy. I looked down at my chalk white hands in astonishment. How on _earth_ had I become a _vampire_? Shakily I stood up from the sofa I'd been lying on and walked through an open door into the adjoining bathroom. I hesitated just a moment before flicking the light on, afraid of what I was going to see.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at my reflection.

And gasped.

I was… I was still me, but…I was _pretty_. Absurdly pretty. As if someone had taken my good qualities and enhanced them, and turned my bad qualities into good ones. My eyes were bright, blood red, but that would fade over time. All in all, I was impressed. I was no match for Rosalie, of course, but…

My chest constricted. Rosalie…

Suddenly I knew where I was. Oh, it was _so_ obvious… I went back into the room I'd just left, my eyes now taking in the sofa's black leather, the stereo system, the wall of C.D.s…

The fault line in my chest was rippling, tearing the hole in me wider… Apparently the conversion from human to vampire didn't heal everything.

Why was I in Edward's old room? Had I been human, I would have been hyperventilating by now. As it was, I settled for trying to hold my dead and broken heart together. I had to get out of this place, away from everything that was _him_. I didn't know what had brought me here, but I couldn't stay. And yet I didn't want to leave. I growled at myself, jumping when it sounded so realistic. I really was a glutton for punishment. A _masochist_.

"Bella?"

I whirled around at the voice, but no one was there. I frowned. Had my hallucinations expanded to include other members of the Cullen family?

But then I was being hugged ferociously around the middle by a petite, spiky-haired, elfin girl. One I had missed for far too long.

"Alice?!" I gasped. She felt very solid. If this were a hallucination, then I was definitely in trouble.

"Bella, I have missed you," Alice growled happily, pulling away and smiling angelically at me.

I just gaped at her. "Are…are you really here?" I asked in a whisper. Alice rolled her eyes.

"Think you're dreaming?"

"Actually, yes. I don't know how I got here. I'm a…" I gulped. "Alice, I'm a _vampire_."

"I can see that, Bella."

"I'm _pretty_!"

"Are you done stating the obvious?"

"Can you see why I might think I'm dreaming?" I asked, pleading for her help believing.

Alice took my hand and pulled me to the sofa. "What's the last thing you remember?"

I thought hard. "Hiking. Alone." Alice raised her eyebrows. "I know, I know, it was dumb," I conceded.

"Why on earth were you hiking alone, Bella?"

I frowned. "I…I can't remember. I was looking for something, I think. A place." The memories were coming back, bit by bit, but the elusive circumstances surrounding my transformation still hadn't resurfaced. "I'm not really sure what happened, honestly." Alice nodded, understanding.

"I can't tell you who bit you, Bella, but three days ago Sam Uley from La Push called Carlisle to tell him you'd been bitten. They couldn't keep you in Forks themselves, so they called us." Alice's eyes were sparkling. "Carlisle and I got on a plane that same hour and flew from Ithaca to Seattle. Carlisle went to the reservation and brought you back and we've been waiting out your transformation ever since."

My head was spinning. "So this is _real_?"

"Very," Alice beamed.

"Oh." 'Oh' was an understatement. "Where's Carlisle now?"

"Hunting. He should be back before dark."

Suddenly, something clicked. "Wait. Sam Uley?" Alice nodded and I frowned. I knew him… He was the leader of the La Push gang, the one Jake had been scared of! "How did he know…"

"To call us?" Alice hesitated, her face undecided.

"Yes?" I prompted.

"I'm trying to decide how much you need to know right now."

"How about all of it?" I asked, slightly irritated that I was still being kept out of the loop.

Alice looked at me warily. "You'll think you're dreaming again."

"Try me."

She sighed. "It turns out that Sam Uley is the Alpha wolf in the pack of werewolves that live in La Push."

I blinked. "_Werewolves_?"

Alice shrugged. "Vampires exist. Why not werewolves too?"

"But still…wow…" It made sense, I guessed, in a freaky, twisted kind of way. "Why didn't you ever mention them before?"

"We didn't know any still lived in the area," Alice explained. "The ones that Carlisle made the treaty with had all died and we thought the quirk in their genetics that caused the mutation died with them. And even if we had known about them, werewolves and vampires don't…get along."

And suddenly, I was remembering my first trip to First Beach after moving to Forks, when Jacob had told me Quileute legends.

_Werewolves have enemies?_ I'd asked.

_Just the one._

"Oh. Enemies. Right."

Alice laughed her chime-like laugh. "I really did miss you, Bella," she sighed, squeezing my hand. I noticed suddenly that she no longer felt cold to me.

"I missed you too, Alice. I missed all of you."

Alice heard what I couldn't say. "How have you been, Bella? Really?" I looked down and shrugged. "You were so thin, so…vampire-like when Carlisle brought you here." Alice's voice was soft, pained. "I told him our leaving wouldn't do you any good, but he…" I shrugged again, fighting not to feel the hurt.

"It's not as if you left for my benefit, Alice." The words were hard to say and laced with bitterness. I was so distracted by the battle I was fighting for control of my emotions that I almost missed Alice's reply.

"But we did."

"Pardon?"

Alice was looking at me shrewdly, confusedly. "Bella, we left so you could have a chance at a normal life. We left to protect you."

I blinked. "P-protect me..." I breathed. Was that what he'd told his family? That they left, not _because_ of me, but _for_ me? If that was the case, I was surprised. Why would he have bothered lying? Because he knew they still cared about me? Perhaps…

Alice's eyes narrowed. "You don't believe that, do you?" Numbly, I shook my head. "You lose your faith in Edward so easily?" she asked, her quiet bell-like voice sharp.

"I didn't lose it, Alice. He took it with him."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella," she pleaded, "Edward's leaving you doesn't mean he stopped loving you. It's proof, the strongest proof, that he does!" I shook my head again. What she was saying didn't tally with what he'd told me himself. "Edward thought we were endangering you, risking your life, him most of all. He thought we were drawing you away from the human life you deserved. So he left, thinking you would honestly be better off! When Jasper—"

Childishly I covered my ears with my hands, my face screwed up in pain. The last thing I needed was a reminder of that horrible night. "Better off," I repeated weakly. I was suddenly, inexplicably angry. I was beyond rational thought. "Does it look like I was better off without you, Alice?" I demanded, my voice slightly hysterical. I gestured at myself harshly. "Would I be here, now, like _this_?"

"No," Alice's voice was so soft I could barely hear her.

"I _died_, Alice. You left and everything I was, everything I dreamed of being, went with you. And I was never going to get it back." My arms encircled my chest, trying in vain to hold myself together.

Alice was shaking her head slowly. " I told him…" she sighed. She squeezed my hand softly. "Bella, I am so sorry. I know that can never, _never,_ make up for everything, but…"

And suddenly I was ashamed of myself. "Oh, Alice, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I've just been…"

Alice smiled at me. "I understand. We made a terrible mistake and you suffered for it. Oh, the next time I see Edward…" her voice trailed off threateningly, her anger seemingly too much for words. "Bella, you had better let him know _exactly_ what you've been going through. He needs a good dose of—what?" For at the idea of my ever seeing, ever _speaking_ to Edward again, I had frozen.

"I'm…going to see him?"

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Honestly, Bella. You're part of our family. You were before and you especially are now. _And_ you're a new vampire. We're not going to abandon you! You're coming back to Ithaca with us as soon as Carlisle returns. _Yes_ you're going to see Edward. Not right away, of course, he isn't there, but we've got all of eternity to get him home."

"But…I…can't…" it was a huge effort to get each word out.

Alice's gaze refocused on me sharply. "Why?"

Oh, she was going to make me say it. "Alice, I can't…be around him. I…I don't want to be." What a lie that was.

Alice's eyes narrowed. "Bella, do you still love my brother?" My throat closed over the answer and I looked away from her. "Bella, please answer me."

"Yes." My whisper was hoarse. "I do."

"Well then, what is the problem?"

"Just because I still love him doesn't mean he…feels the same."

Alice let out a growl of frustration that would have caused my human self to jump. "I already _told_ you, Bella! He _does_ still love you!" I hadn't seen Alice this riled in…ever. I refused to let her words take root in my heart.

"That's not what he told me," I said softly, quickly, trying to suppress the memory.

"What?"

"When he left, that's not what he told me," I repeated.

"…What _did_ he tell you?" Alice asked warily, though I could tell she was curious. My jaws clamped shut involuntarily in a last ditch attempt to save my sanity. "Bella…" Alice urged gently.

"He said he didn't want me." Had I just said that? My voice sounded so foreign, so far away. "And let's face it, I should have seen it coming. I knew it didn't make sense. _Edward_…and me…" It hurt. It hurt a lot. I looked up at Alice, expecting sympathy or surprise, but certainly not the rage I was seeing.

"I'll _murder_ him," she seethed, her voice low. "How could he _ever_ have done that—_this_—to _you_?"

"It obviously wasn't that hard."

"He deserves every single moment of misery and agony. He brought it upon himself."

"Alice," I begged. "Please. Don't."

And she fell silent. In the brief respite between, I managed to pull myself together, to gain some control. Alice must have been doing so as well, because when she spoke again, all the anger was gone.

"Esme is going to be so happy to see you! And Emmett and Jasper… I think Rosalie may even lay off a bit now that you're no longer human. This is so exciting!"

"You're not going to let me argue, are you?" I asked hopelessly. "About coming with you?"

Alice's voice was steel. "No." She let out an irritated sigh at my obvious discomfort. "I told you, Bella, he's not there now. He's somewhere in South America. He checks in every now and then and rarely answers his phone. You can come to Ithaca with Carlisle and I and visit the rest of the family without his even knowing you were there."

"Oh."

Alice bounced slightly on the sofa, her face calculating. "Think of it this way. Whatever he tricked you into believing about why he left is no longer an issue. Edward has _no reason_ to stay away from you now."

Huh.

I was prepared to block her words, to have to struggle not to hope, but…

_She was right_.

Beauty, strength… I was a vampire. Edward was a vampire. He wouldn't _have_ to pretend with me anymore…

"Huh…" I said out loud. Alice beamed. She knew she had me. "South America?" I asked in a small voice. She waved a dainty hand, shrugging.

"Who knows what he's up to. Wallowing probably."

_Or being distracted_, I thought to myself. But the words didn't hurt as much as they would have just moments before. _I had hope_…

I looked down at my pale skin again, marveling at how things had turned out. I was a vampire, at long last. I was going to go live with my vampire family, a dream I thought I'd lost.

But thinking of family led my thoughts back to the one I'd had first.

"Alice?" I asked. "How's Charlie?"

She turned a face of heart-breaking sorrow on me. "He was frantic the first two days you were gone. They searched the woods for you until yesterday when they found some hiking supplies and a sweater belonging to you abandoned in a meadow. Now they're about ready to pronounce you dead at the hands of the 'bear'." Alice put air quotes around the word. "Now he's just…hopeless. He called your mother and she came up to be with him until after your funeral."

I nodded slowly. Had I been able to cry I would have, but as it was…

Alice started rubbing my back gently, massaging my cold muscles soothingly. "I'm sorry," she added softly.

I bowed my head. "They'll be okay," I said when I was able to speak again. "Renee has Phil and Charlie, well… Charlie's strong. He'll pull through. He'll pull through." I knew I sounded like I was trying to convince myself because I was. But I couldn't do anything else. I had to believe that Charlie could manage on his own again.

"You're right," Alice agreed. "He's strong enough. He'll hurt for a long time, probably for the rest of his life, but he'll heal." I smiled at her gratefully.

We heard Carlisle entering the house at the same moment. Alice shot me a grin and pulled me to my feet. "Ready to go?"

I nodded, feeling slightly nervous.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice came from the doorway where he was now standing. I frowned at the alarm in it.

"Carlisle," I answered in a small voice. He stared at me for a long moment, his face more confused now than anything else. "It's amazingly wonderful to see you," I offered with a smile. He started as if my voice had woken him from a trance and smiled warmly, though he still looked slightly confused.

"Bella," he said again, crossing the room and hugging me in one lightning-fast move. "You are a sight for sore eyes, my dear. Though…how long have you been awake?"

I shrugged. "Fifteen minutes?"

"Twenty tops," Alice agreed.

"And you don't feel…any discomfort at all?"

I frowned at him. "No. Should I?"

"No burning in your throat?"

It clicked then. He wanted to know if I felt thirsty. I wanted to hit myself for not remembering sooner—newborn vampires were insanely hard to control thanks to their bloodlust. And I'd been sitting here with Alice chatting away without a care in the world. I searched for that burning feeling that Carlisle had described but I couldn't find anything. "Not that I can tell. Does it sneak up on you?"

Alice shook her head, her eyes wide. "You'd know. It's not something you can ignore. I can't believe I forgot, Bella! I'm just so used to you being human—"

Carlisle was staring at me in awe. "Bella, I…I don't know what to say. I've seen my share of newborn vampires and not one of them has reacted this way. For all vampires, the thirst is always there, at the back of your throat. All we do when we hunt is quench it for a while. You…are you sure you feel nothing?"

I nodded. My throat felt no different than it ever had.

"That is…absolutely phenomenal," Carlisle murmured. "I wonder if

we've discovered your talent. We'll have to experiment, of course, find out what your limits are… It may be that your thirst stays dormant until you actually smell human blood…"

Alice smiled fondly at Carlisle. "You'll make her feel like an experiment," she teased and Carlisle nodded, smiling in apology.

"Forgive me, Bella. I've just never seen a case like this before."

I frowned. It wasn't that I wanted to thirst after human blood for all eternity, not at all. But the idea of being so different, yet again, from the race I belonged to wasn't appealing either. Was I going to end up a freak among vampires, just as I had been an anomaly among humans?

Alice gave me a quick hug. "We don't care how different you are," she murmured happily. "You're always going to be our Bella."

"I'm afraid you_are_ stuck with the Cullens," Carlisle agreed kindly, his eyes twinkling. "Speaking of which, the rest of the Cullens are waiting impatiently for our return, and Esme will never forgive me if I take my time bringing you back," he added, winking. "Think you're ready to start your new life?"

I couldn't help beaming at them for their words of comfort and love. "I think I am."


	3. Goodbye

_**A/N: First of all, thank you **__**so much**__** for all the reviews and all the hits! You guys are **__**great**__**! Secondly, it was brought to my attention that Bella's "letting go" of Charlie was a little abrupt, and looking back I think that's probably true. So in an effort to remedy that, this chapter is for all of you who felt bad for Charlie. Angst ahead!**_

**Bella**_**  
**_

Trust the Cullens to buy _another car_, just to get me across the country. I hadn't given much thought to how we would be crossing to the other side of the States, and it wasn't until I laid eyes on the unfamiliar Audi that I realized what Carlisle and Alice had done.

"Like it?" Alice asked innocently when she noticed me staring.

"Alice, please tell me you rented that," I begged, though I already knew the answer.

"And go through all the trouble of having to return it?" Alice rolled her eyes. "We didn't have time to drive here, and we're most certainly not taking you anywhere on an airplane. Trust me, this was the simplest solution."

"I wasn't aware that 'simple' was synonymous with 'expensive' and 'extravagant'," I muttered. "Did you really have to buy_another_ car? Doesn't everyone in your family already own at least one?"

Carlisle winked at me as he unlocked the automated locks. "Well, yes, everyone did. Until today, of course."

I didn't catch the implication at first. "Wait…what?"

"You don't mind if I drive your car, do you Bella?" Carlisle teased.

"Carlisle," I spluttered, "I don't need a car!"

He just shrugged. "You can't bring your old truck with you. Think of it as a 'welcome to the family' gift."

"But…"

"Don't be difficult, Bella," Alice grinned, knowing full well how much I hated gifts. She opened the passenger side door and stepped back, gesturing for me to get in, but I wasn't about to let this slide.

"I don't need a car! I'm perfectly willing to be shuttled around for the rest of eternity!"

"You'd regret making that decision," Alice warned, though her eyes were twinkling. "Of course, no one says you have to take my word for it." She tapped a dainty finger to her temple. "It's not as if I can see the future or anything."

I rolled my eyes. "Alice, you can't tell me that my refusing to let you spend so much money on me is a decision I am going to regret."

She shrugged. "If you want to take that chance, fine. Get in."

Still I hesitated.

"You can think of it as a loan, if you'd like," Carlisle offered, leaning on the open door, his eyes betraying his amusement. "It doesn't have to be a_gift_. Just a car we own that you happen to drive on occasion."

"Either way, you have the whole trip to mull this over," Alice added. She gestured again for me to get in. "This car is how we're getting to Ithaca regardless, so you might as well get in."

As much as I hated to admit it, Alice's logic did make sense. I looked from Alice to Carlisle and back again, then sighed. "Fine," I huffed as I got into the offending car. "But this doesn't mean it's mine."

"Not at all," Carlisle chuckled as Alice shut my door and slid into the backseat. I buckled my seatbelt out of nervous habit, ignoring Alice's quiet laughter. Carlisle started the car and soon the magnificent white house had disappeared behind the solid wall of trees.

It was almost nine at night. We had decided to wait until dark before leaving, and though Alice and Carlisle had come up with a multitude of excuses why, I knew it was for me. I had needed a little time to take care of a few loose ends and to come to terms with the idea of never seeing the people I loved again. Charlie was at the center of my heartache, though I couldn't help hurting a little for Jacob either.

I had spent most of the afternoon writing two letters, one for each of them, both of which I had burned immediately afterwards. It didn't do much to quell the ache I felt, but it was better than nothing. I was distracted for a little while upon learning that Alice had bought me a "temporary" new wardrobe while I was unconscious. To her credit, she had managed to keep it to traveling standards: enough only for one suitcase. Of course, the three blouses, two pairs of jeans, assorted articles of underclothing and set of pajamas probably all cost about the same as my entire old wardrobe.

First the clothes, and now a _car_… I winced and sighed, watching the dark outline of the trees. The clothes I supposed I could accept, but a car was another thing entirely…

The drive to my house took less time than I'd hoped it would, though having a vampire driving probably contributed to that. Carlisle pulled the car to a stop a few houses down the street from mine and turned it off. I could barely bring myself to look at the familiar house, the hurt was so sharp.

Alice reached up and patted my back gently, said, "I won't be long", and then got out of the car. It was all I could do not to follow.

**Alice**

I knew Bella was watching me every step of the way from the car to the front door of her old house. I hated to admit it, but I could see now why Edward had always been so stubborn about leaving Bella human. He'd wanted to spare her this pain. But then, Edward's stubbornness was the reason she was going through it now. If the choice had been hers then maybe she would have been able to deal with this separation better, but Bella had been stripped of her right to choose and had had no time to prepare for it. My fists clenched as I walked up the stairs and onto the porch. Bella would have us to help her through. Poor Charlie was going to have to face this alone.

I knocked on the door, then waited, listening for sounds of movement from inside. I knew he was home; not only could I hear him walking around, the upstairs lights were on and his police cruiser was parked in the driveway. I knocked again when it became apparent that he wasn't going to come to the door, then tried the door handle, which was surprisingly unlocked.

"Charlie?" I called into the house, stepping cautiously inside. "Chief Swan? It's Alice Cullen." There was a moment of silence, and then Charlie appeared at the top of the stairs. He squinted down into the darkness uncertainly.

"Alice?" he asked. I reached over and turned on the front hall light.

"Sorry for barging in," I apologized softly. "I'm only going to be in town for a few more hours… Dad and I heard about…about what happened, and I wanted to come see how you're doing."

"How did you get in?"

"The door was unlocked."

Charlie looked slightly annoyed. "Renee must have forgotten to lock up behind herself." He came down the stairs and I was able to get a better look at him. He looked like he hadn't shaved or slept since Bella had first disappeared; the large shadows under his eyes could have rivaled a vampire's any day. The poor man looked like he was falling apart at the seams.

Charlie led the way into the kitchen and pulled a chair out for me before sitting down himself. "What brought you back?" he asked, and though the question was casual, I could tell that it was forced.

"Dad had some business to take care of at the hospital and I wanted to come along, just to visit."

"Ah." Charlie rubbed his face tiredly with his hand. I reached across the table and gripped his arm.

"Charlie, I am so sorry." He nodded, not meeting my eyes. "Is there anything in the world that I could do to help you?" I asked helplessly.

He shrugged, and when he spoke next, his voice was barely above a whisper. "Thank you, but no, Alice. Renee's here, and she's been helping out a lot. I managed on my own before she came…" I could see the tears welling up in his eyes and felt very much like shedding tears of my own. "It'll be…different…this time…" I nodded, frowning. I didn't have to be able to read minds to understand that by 'different' he really meant 'harder.'

"Oh, Charlie…" I looked away as he tried to compose himself, knowing he was uncomfortable being so out of control in front of someone.

"I can't help but feel that this is all my fault," he admitted finally, his voice so soft that I wouldn't have been able to hear it with human ears. "She was so depressed after…after you all left, and I didn't know what to do to help. What if something I did led to this? I didn't send her back to Renee when I should have, and now, because of my own inadequacies, she's dead!"

"Charlie, no!" I insisted. "Listen to me. I know its tempting to blame yourself, but you can't. Bella loved you as much as she loved anyone, and if she were here she would be horrified that you could even think of blaming yourself! She loved you for being her dad, and wherever she is now, she still loves you. She wouldn't want you to blame yourself, and she'd probably lay into _me_ for even letting you consider it! Do you understand?" I asked. Charlie hesitated, then nodded slightly.

"You're right." He made a noise that was half-laugh, half-sob. "Now if only it were that easy."

"I know it's hard. Unbearable, even. And it's okay to hurt, that's only natural. But I think Bella would want you to keep living, Charlie. She would want you to move forward, when you're ready to."

"I know." He sighed shakily, and we sat for a moment in silence before he stood up abruptly. "I haven't been very…hospitable, have I?" he asked apologetically.

"I understand," I reassured him.

"Do you want anything to drink or eat?" he offered, struggling to sound more upbeat.

"Don't worry about it. I should probably leave soon anyway."

Charlie looked slightly perturbed at this. "Could your father and you use a place to stay?" he offered.

I shook my head sadly. "We're on a tight schedule and have to drive all night."

"Right."

I stood up as well. "I'm truly sorry. I know how hard this'll be for you." He nodded, staring determinedly at the floor. "Just promise that you'll think about everything I've said, okay?"

Charlie nodded. "Thanks for visiting, Alice. You were one of her best friends. Make sure you keep your own advice too." I nodded somberly, hesitated, and then hugged the grieving man.

"Take care of yourself, Charlie. Do it for Bella."

He nodded again, his eyes wet and far away. "For Bella," he repeated softly.

Five minutes later I was sliding into the backseat of Bella's new Audi. "I told him everything, Bella, and I really think he'll be alright," I said as Carlisle started the car and turned it around. "He loves you. And he knows you love him." I saw Bella nod shortly. Carlisle's eyes in the rearview mirror warned me to let it alone for now, so I settled back in my seat, hoping against hope that Charlie would indeed be able to pull through.

**Bella**

I had gotten to see him, just for a few seconds, as he let Alice out of the house. Her words as she entered the car were reassuring and hopeful, but I wasn't quite ready to look forward. I wanted to cry, or at least to sleep and get away from the ache I felt for my dad, but being a vampire made it impossible for me to do either. Instead, I curled up in my seat and rested my head against the window, watching as we headed out of Forks and in the direction of the Olympic National Park.

_Goodbye, Charlie…_

_**A/N: Maybe that was a bit much… Oh well. In any case, next time we're back on track and on the way to Ithaca! Thanks again! **_


	4. Miracle

_**A/N: Many, many, MANY apologies for the long wait! Real life caught up to me and I had a ridiculous amount of work to do, but that's NO EXCUSE. On a brighter note, I'm going to be done with school in two weeks and will therefore have plenty of time to write and update. Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed and for your patience! Also, I forgot to add a disclaimer last chapter, so this one counts double!**_

_**Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters sadly do not belong to me, but to Stephenie Meyer.**_

**Jasper**

"So it's true."

"Every word."

I couldn't stop the sigh of relief that escaped from me. The sudden phone call that Carlisle had received from Forks had seemed suspicious from the start, and I had not been happy watching Alice rush back, even if she was with Carlisle. Yes, she had used her gift to make sure that returning to Forks wasn't going to be too dangerous, but that hadn't helped me relax. It didn't change the fact that there were _werewolves_ in Forks, nor that the dogs hated us unconditionally. The years I'd spent as a Major in the Civil War wouldn't let me sit back and pretend that nothing could go wrong. I couldn't shake the feeling that this whole thing could be a trap. After all, why would any dog go out of its way to protect a vampire? It'd kill a newborn without a second thought. And tactically speaking, the best way to get almost any of the Cullens back to Forks was to feed them some crackpot story about Isabella Swan in danger.

But it seemed that the crackpot story had been true—Bella was indeed a vampire, and the wolves had actually wanted to let her live. Most importantly, to me at least, Alice was out of Forks and on her way home, safely away from any threat the Quileute werewolves posed.

The anxiety I'd been feeling dissipated, and a surge of irritation took its place.

"So. All of it was for nothing then."

I could imagine the look on Alice's face as she answered, her voice hard. "Yes."

"I'm going to kill him."

"You'll have to wait your turn. I'm afraid there's not going to be much of him left once we're all done." She paused, and I found that I already knew what was coming next. "Jasper, don't dwell on it too much, okay?" She really did know me too well. I didn't respond, knowing that she wouldn't like anything I could say in reply. I heard her sigh into the phone. "Look. Bella's jumpy enough as it is about coming. We barely managed to get her into the car. The last thing we need is for the whole family to be brooding when she arrives. She'd blame herself and take off and we'd never see her again."

My irritation spiked, even though I knew it wasn't fair. "Well if it's for _Bella_, then sure. No problem."

Alice, as she always does, saw right through me. "Jasper, you know I'm worried about you. Bella's a good reason for you to try to stay happy, but I mostly don't want you going back to how you were right after we left."

I remembered all too well what that first month had been like for me. For her. "I know," I responded, somewhat reluctantly.

"Please take care of yourself." She sighed and let it drop. "We should be home tomorrow. Tonight, if Bella ever lets us get above seventy-five."

I couldn't help a small smile of amusement. "By all means, be safe on the road." Her answering laughter was as soothing as any balm.

"We'll try. I know it goes without saying, but do us a favor and keep an eye out for Edward."

"Esme's tried calling him several times, but he's not picking up."

"I didn't really expect him to. If it weren't for Bella, I'd say to just let him wallow in his own misery until he chooses to come back."

"It's probably going to end up that way anyway if he keeps refusing to talk to us."

"Idiot," Alice muttered. "Don't let him disappear again if you can."

"Don't worry. If, by some miracle, he shows up, Emmett and I will make certain that he doesn't go anywhere." Just the thought of Emmett and I doing so gave me a vindictive sort of pleasure.

"Try getting Rose on board too, you know how she can be." I snorted. I knew only too well how Rose could be. If we could convince her to help, she'd end up calling him over and over again until he answered out of sheer irritation or broke his phone in order to get some quiet. "Bella's waiting for me, I should probably go. I'll see you soon."

"I love you."

"Love you," she replied lightly, and then she was gone.

I set the receiver of the phone down gently, my good humor fading with the sound of Alice's voice. The honest truth was that I'd spent the majority of the past five months in a state of constant guilt. Finding out that all that misery—the family's, Bella's, my own—was for nothing irked me to no end.

For a while now we'd be leaving someone at home at all times, just in case Edward decided to check in, and it was currently my turn. I found myself grateful that the rest of the family was out, as I didn't feel much like talking anymore. Having someone else around may have been a good idea, though, because the longer I thought, the harder it was to think of anything _but_ our family's current predicament. Alice's request that I 'not dwell' on my guilt couldn't stop the thoughts and memories that were suddenly resurfacing.

With human Bella out of our lives, our family had been safe again, far more isolated in Ithaca than we'd ever been in Forks. The only human interaction I had these days was during the course of night classes I was taking at Cornell, and that was a far cry from the daily imbecility we had dealt with from the juvenile students of Forks High. It was a relief, in a way. But none of that made me feel better.

Despite the many problems I'd had with our previous place of residence, the honest truth was that we'd been more of a family there than ever before. Sure, Rosalie had had a few issues, but she's _always _had issues, and as the rest of us improved she'd actually gotten better by default. We'd been happier, more unified, all thanks to Bella.

And it was all thanks to me that it hadn't lasted.

There was no doubt that what we'd gained during the short period of time that Bella Swan had graced our lives had been lost with interest once we'd gotten here. We had barely set foot in the door before Edward had taken off and we'd rarely heard from him since. It was surprising how much his absence hurt. All of us (well, perhaps not Carlisle or Esme) felt varying degrees of anger or bitterness towards Edward; it was easy to blame him for all the misery we were feeling. But for all our talk of anger and vindication, we actually missed him a great deal. He was still a part of the Cullen family and everything seemed a little bit wrong without him around. Sadly, as much as we wanted things to return to how they'd been, Edward's stubbornness was famous for bordering on the idiotic, and we had very little hope that he'd ever change his mind.

So we kept moving forward, but it was like our family unit had had a limb—or two—amputated; all we could do was crawl where once we could have flown. I had spent the last five months watching our family regress, all the while believing that when all was said and done, it was my fault we'd ended up like this.

I shook my head with a growl. Those were exactly the kind of thoughts that Alice wanted me to avoid, even if they were the truth. But guilty as I felt that it had been my weakness that had ultimately separated Edward from his one true source of happiness, I found that I was more angry that Edward's poorly thought-out self-sacrifice had all come to nothing. He'd left to protect her. We'd suffered without both of them to protect her. And she was on her way here, a vampire despite it all.

Wait…

Bella was a _vampire_. She was on her way _here_.

I let that thought sink in, surprised at the implications. If Bella was a vampire, all of Edward's fears were null and void. _I_ was no longer a threat to her. Though he might feel guilty—and I was going to make sure he did—that his noble suffering had backfired and resulted in the one thing he was afraid of, he'd get over it eventually. Even if he found out and somehow managed to run off again, he wouldn't be able to stay away. I knew exactly what he'd felt for that quirky human girl, and I knew that her being here—and a vampire—would be too much for him to resist, no matter how guilty he felt. Edward would come home. The family would be whole again. This whole situation had the potential to work out in the end, as long as we could get Edward back home in the first place.

My anger had ebbed as quickly as it had come. I felt a true smile tugging at my lips, a rare experience for me. I no longer wanted to be alone. I wanted to be with my family. All seven of them.

It took me two seconds to reach the front door and yank it open. I winced slightly when I heard the plaster on the wall by the hinges crack, unable to bear the strain of my pulling so hard on the door. Esme was going to kill me, but I would worry about that later. Right now, I was a man on a mission.

"_Rose!!_" I bellowed into the quiet solitude of the surrounding forest, knowing that wherever she was, she would hear. "Rose, I need you!"

**Bella**

By morning we were already all the way through Minnesota. Instead of stopping in the populated hub of the Twin Cities, Carlisle detoured south a bit towards the slightly smaller Rochester in an effort to keep me away from as many humans as possible while he stopped for gas—he had done the same each time we'd needed to stop. Much to Carlisle's increasing surprise, the thirst that plagued all vampires still hadn't shown up. We had been talking since about three in the morning, and Carlisle had admitted that he was starting to think that I might not ever actually get thirsty. He wasn't sure what that would mean as far as my diet was concerned, but he had promised that he would help me figure things out, and I trusted him completely. Still, he was determined not to take any chances with me, and that was the reason for the detour.

Carlisle pulled into a Kwik Trip and shut the car off. "Good thing it's cloudy out," he said good-naturedly as he opened his door. "I'll be right back." I nodded, torn between disapproval and amusement. We had refilled the tank the night before once per every state we'd entered—twice for Montana—resulting in the use of enough gas to get a normal, law-abiding driver all the way across the continental United States, and probably half-way back again. I had to admit that the insane speeds didn't frighten me like they used to, but I was still Isabella Swan, the daughter of a police man, and something about going over a hundred miles per hour just didn't sit well with me.

In the back seat, Alice whipped out her cell phone. "I'm just going to call the house and find out…well, check on some things," she finished vaguely, popping her door open as she speed dialed. "It's probably better if you don't leave the car. I'll be right outside."

As she shut the door behind her I couldn't help but feel slightly depressed. I was coming to terms with things, it was true, and there was no denying that I was reasonably looking forward to life as a vampire, but that didn't make it any easier, especially not when I was shut in a car by myself. A woman carrying a young girl in pigtails walked past the front of the car, and in that moment I felt a rather sudden surge of loneliness. Which was utterly ridiculous. I wasn't alone, not really.

The little blonde, blue-eyed girl caught my gaze and, after a moment, gave a shy little wave. Surprised, but suddenly feeling very fuzzy inside, I waved back, a goofy smile plastered onto my face. I watched the girl and her mother until they were inside the station, my sudden good mood spiraling into confusion.

I was a vampire, and vampires are supposed to drink human blood. Any other vampire looking at that little girl—with the obvious exception of the Cullens—would have seen a snack. Would I eventually get to the point where that little girl would seem like nothing more than an appetizer? The very thought was appalling to me. She was human, with a family and a long, happy life ahead of her. My instincts were telling me to hug her, not eat her. Was Carlisle right then? Was I truly going to be a vampire that was free of the agony of thirsting after human blood? Was I really actually a _vampire_ without that urge?

I pulled the visor in front of me down in order to check my reflection again. It still startled me to see that familiar yet different face staring back at me. It was the vampire look, alright, and I'd spent the whole night awake without once getting tired, something I'd never managed as a human. I sighed, frustrated. If I wasn't a vampire and I wasn't a human, then what was I?

I looked back out of the front windshield in time to see that same little girl come tottering out of the station by herself. I sat up a little straighter, looking for her mother, and saw through the station windows that she was still waiting in line at the register, clearly unaware that her daughter was no longer by her side. I started to get nervous as I watched the little girl playing outside the door of the station. She was young enough to still be little unsteady on her feet, which she demonstrated by falling down two or three times. I bit my lip anxiously as the little girl toddled out into the street right in front of me.

I heard the sounds of the approaching truck seconds before actually seeing it speeding straight towards that little girl who had fallen down again in the middle of the road. The girl was too small and the truck was going too fast for the driver to even have a chance to notice that the road in front of him was not clear. It was going to run right over that infant!

I wasn't sure exactly what happened next. One second I was sitting in the front seat of the Audi, hearing Alice opening her door and sliding into the backseat, and the next I had thrown my own door open and was charging across the street as fast as I could—which was pretty fast, these days. Alice was shouting something behind me, but I couldn't register any actual words. I shot in front of the approaching truck, scooped the little girl into my arms, and dove for the sidewalk.

I think I felt the side of the truck brush my foot as it roared past.

I landed heavily on the sidewalk, hard enough that I would have sustained several large scrapes, had I been human. In my arms, the little girl started to cry, more startled than anything. Of course, I wasn't exactly the softest thing in the world, so it was possible that my rough handling had bruised her up a bit too. But at least she was alive.

"Shh, it's okay, you're alright," I soothed gently as she cried into my shoulder. I pushed myself to my feet shakily, a little unnerved by all that had happened.

"Bella?" Alice's voice was, for lack of a better word, flabbergasted. I turned to see both her and Carlisle staring at me as if I had suddenly sprouted wings.

"Just in time," I shrugged, turning towards the door of the station, where the little girl's mother was currently at the register.

"But…but you…were supposed to stay in the car," Alice finished, a protest that I thought was rather lame considering I had just saved someone's…oh.

I looked down at the girl in my arms in surprise. Here I was, holding a human child, and I felt…

…Nothing…

There was no sign of any burning, no animalist instincts, just my own desire to protect someone weaker than myself. I looked back up at Carlisle and Alice and shrugged again.

"I'm fine," I said, and despite my earlier concerns, I found that the revelation that I was indeed safe around humans made me incredibly happy. "I'm fine."

Carlisle's answering smile was radiant.

_**A/N 2: There will be an update soon. And by "soon", I mean within the week, probably sooner. I wasn't as happy with this chapter, it didn't seem to flow as well as the previous ones have. I'd love any suggestions you'd like to offer! And thanks again!  
**_


	5. Family

_**Disclaimer: Still not mine. Stephenie Meyer owns everything belonging to the Twilight Universe.**_

**Esme**

I couldn't paint, not now.

I'd started repainting the walls of the newly floored and lighted dining room the day before, and had been half finished when I'd left to go hunt with Rose and Emmett that night. It wouldn't take long to finish now, but I found that I couldn't concentrate on the task anymore. We'd heard Jasper calling for Rose and rushed home, afraid that he was in some kind of trouble, to find him in the doorway grinning as if he'd just played a joke on the three of us.

"Jasper," I'd admonished, "what on earth?"

"I just talked to Alice." He'd told us everything she'd told him, and then proceeded to recruit Rosalie's help in an effort to get a hold of Edward.

"Come on, Rose," he'd pushed. "I know you miss him too. He can't make up some stupid reason to stay away if Bella's already a vampire."

Rose's old jealousies made her hesitate at first, but Jasper was right. Like all of us, she missed Edward and was willing to forget her pride for an afternoon if she could get him home again, even if that meant helping Bella Swan out in the process. The three of them had then retired to the living room and I'd gone back to my work in the dining room.

I'd been there for two-and-a-half hours now, and very little had changed. There was just too much to think about for me to focus on the job in front of me. I put the lid back onto the open can of cream-colored paint and wiped my hands on an old rag with a sigh. This would have to wait until tomorrow.

I put my tools away and went upstairs to wash and change, my mind racing. Alice had called from Minnesota around two-o-clock. Even with Bella in the car it was unlikely that the remainder of the trip would take more than six or seven hours, meaning that they would be home by evening. I couldn't help smiling to myself as I walked down the stairs half-an-hour later. Jasper's good mood was infectious. He probably didn't even realize that he wasn't completely in control of his talent.

The smile died on my lips, however, as I looked up and saw the wall next to the front door. I rushed down the rest of the stairs to get a closer look at the offending wall and knew immediately what had happened.

"Jasper Whitlock Hale!"

I waited patiently, my hands on my hips, until the shaggy, blonde head of my foster son appeared around the corner of the doorway to the living room, wearing a very guilty expression.

"Yes?"

I pointed to the several deep cracks in the wall by the front door. "Would you care to explain what happened to my door?"

Jasper gave me an apologetic half-smile. "Sorry, Mom. I'll fix it tomorrow for you."

"I'd appreciate that," I agreed, half-exasperated, half-amused. "Please be more careful with the house the next time you get excited."

Jasper nodded, grinned, and then disappeared into the living room where Emmett and Rose were talking around the telephone.

I took one last, hopeless look at the damage my son had caused to the house I was currently in the middle of renovating, then followed him into the living room.

The truth was that I couldn't be angry, not when everyone else in the house was in such a good mood. I hadn't seen my children so animated since we'd lived in Forks; Jasper hadn't called me "Mom" in months. The news that Bella was coming to live with us had revitalized all of us, even Rosalie. I'd already come to see Bella as another daughter in the short time that I'd known her, and I'd loved her all the more for what she was to my oldest—and youngest—son. Leaving her had been hard.

Edward's leaving me had been harder.

I knew my son wasn't okay. I didn't have to see it in his face or hear it in his voice to know that he was miserable. He'd found true love, realized just what it was that he'd been missing his whole life, and then chosen to let it all go. This wasn't just any kind of heartbreak, it went much deeper than that. Edward had done what he had judged to be best, and had willingly suffered both day and night since, convinced that Bella would be both happier and safer without any of us—without _him_. What Edward didn't yet understand was that he was still a novice when it came to relationships, especially the kind that he'd shared with Bella. He didn't understand that she could possibly feel as strongly for him as he did for her, that she could be suffering just as much as he was. I truly think that if he'd understood that, he never would have chosen to leave.

As much as it hurt to watch him suffer, there was nothing I could say to convince him that he could be wrong. He was certainly old enough to make his own decisions, even if they resulted in his living an incomplete life for the rest of eternity. I'd spent the past five months busying myself with the renovations of this seventeenth century house, working hard in an effort to escape the ever constant reminders of Edward's absence and the consequential depression in the rest of the family.

The chances of Bella's becoming a vampire without our help were miniscule, so the call from Forks had shocked us. It had also opened a large number of doors that I had feared were forever locked. The prospect of having Bella here in Ithaca, living as a member of the family, filled me with hope yet again. If she was here, eventually Edward would be as well. I had no doubt that that was true.

It didn't matter how long it took. All I wanted was for my children to be happy.

Emmett's good-natured laughter brought me out of my thoughts, and I focused on the three in front of me, struck again by how much happier they were already. Rosalie had the living room phone to her ear; she had been dialing and redialing Edward's number most of the time since we'd been home, and she would keep doing it until he answered, as long as she had someone to keep her company.

"Honestly, you'd think he didn't want to hear from us," she groused as she hung up and dialed yet again. "I'm almost offended."

"He knows it's you calling, Rose," Jasper teased. "Who else could sit for hours doing nothing but dialing a phone?"

"You asked for my help," Rose warned, the receiver pressed against her ear. "And as long as I'm doing this for you, you're going to be here too."

"Where was he again?" Emmett asked. "Somewhere in South America?"

Jasper and Rosalie nodded. "It'd be faster to track him than to sit here waiting for him to feel like answering his phone," Rose grumbled.

"We could probably manage that," Jasper agreed thoughtfully. "We could get Irina and Tanya to come help, they're fair hands at tracking."

"Not to mention that Tanya's well-practiced at sniffing Edward out," Emmett added, laughing. Jasper and Rosalie dissolved into laughter as well, recalling that memorable vacation we'd had a few years back.

"Alright," I admonished, smiling in spite of myself. "That's enough of that."

"Edward's not even here," Emmett protested through his laughter. "It's not as if we could possibly embarrass him when he's not in the country!"

"And no one will be going anywhere, not for a while," I continued. "Edward hasn't been home in over a month. He's probably planning on checking back in within the next few weeks anyway. If, and only if, he hasn't answered his phone or come back by the end of March, _then_ we'll consider sending someone to look for him."

"I don't believe this!" Rosalie interrupted, throwing the receiver down in disgust. "How often have we tried to call him since he ran off? Maybe _four_ times? You'd _think_ that when we call him repeatedly after so few attempts in so long that he'd be able to figure out that we _might_ have something important to tell him. Why would we even bother trying so hard if we _didn't_ have something important to tell him? It's only logical, right? But _no_, not to _Edward_. What does he do instead? _Turn off his freaking phone_."

"Rosalie," I cautioned softly.

"Rose, you did not just use the word 'freaking'," Emmett teased, laughing again.

"I'm irritated," she said in defense.

"No, you've spent too much time in high schools," he corrected, throwing his arm around her to show he was only kidding.

"He turned off his phone?" Jasper asked, cutting off whatever reply Rosalie was forming.

"Either that or it died," Rose grumbled. "It went straight to the answering machine this time."

"Try one more time," Emmett encouraged, and Rose obliged.

She shook her head and hung up. "It's definitely off."

"There's not much that we can do, then," I sighed. "We'll try again tomorrow."

"It'd be just like him to leave it off on purpose to avoid talking to us," Rose muttered. "If he misses out on Bella's being here, serves him right."

"Rose," I warned again, but I didn't have any heart to put into reprimanding her. Her feistiness had been one of the things we'd been missing out on since Edward's departure, and it was surprisingly good to hear her complaining again.

"Leave a message, at least," Jasper suggested. "If he really just doesn't want to talk, then maybe he'd be more likely to listen to a recording." Rose nodded and reached for the phone, but Emmett stopped her.

"Let me do it," he suggested gently. Rose huffed and folded her arms, but allowed Emmett to pick up the phone—a much more graceful surrender than she would have allowed had Jasper or even I suggested it.

We waited in silence for the answering machine to activate.

"Edward," Emmett said into the phone, "It's Emmett. We need you to call home as soon as possible. It's important. Take care."

"Nothing about Bella?" Rosalie asked in mild surprise as Emmett hung up.

"If I said anything about Bella he'd hang up, no matter what I was saying," Emmett sighed. "Besides, if he's curious he's more likely to call back."

I looked up at the clock on the wall, then stood abruptly. "I guess I'd better go get the guest bedroom ready," I announced.

"It's not like she's actually going to need it," Jasper pointed out.

"She'll want her own space all the same," I insisted, heading for the door. "Bella hates intruding on people and I won't have her feeling uncomfortable in my home. You three behave." I smiled at the three of them and then left the room, headed for the stairway.

I couldn't help smiling when the continuation of the conversation reached my ears halfway up the stairs.

"Leave it to Esme to take in the lost sheep."

"Esme is Esme, Jasper," came Emmett's reply. "Taking care of people is what she does."

**Bella**

We crossed the border into New York state just before eight-o-clock, less than twenty-four hours after we'd started out. As I watched the large sign announcing the border grow closer, I made a mental note to get on MapQuest as soon as I could, just to find out how long the drive should have taken.

Any worries about the speed limit were erased when, shortly after, Carlisle announced that we only had about a half hour until we arrived at the house. Hearing this made my stomach twist in a sudden surge of anxiety that I hadn't been expecting.

"That's all?" I asked quietly, trying to sound unconcerned and failing miserably.

"Is something wrong?" Carlisle asked.

"Oh, no…" I hedged, unsure of how to explain. "Just a little…apprehensive."

"Bella," Alice's voice was exasperated. "Look at how fast you reacquainted with Carlisle and myself. The rest of the family is just as excited to see you as we were. This isn't going to be a problem."

"Everyone?" I challenged, and Alice knew full well that I was referring to Rosalie's blatant dislike.

Alice sighed. "Rose was jealous of your being human, among other things. She's going to get over it. Trust me."

"But, what if—"

"Look. Emmett thinks you're great and he's looking forward to having you around again. Jasper's just glad that he's going to get a chance to get to know you without always worrying about accidentally killing you." Oh _that_ made me feel better.

"And Esme is overjoyed that you're coming, trust me," Carlisle added with a chuckle.

"Bella, we love you. You've got nothing to worry about."

I smiled gratefully at Alice for her kind words, but I still couldn't help feeling nervous. I'd started to fit in before they'd picked up and disappeared. Could I do it again, this time without Edward as a crutch?

The time flew by and it seemed like only minutes later when Carlisle pulled off of Highway 13 in order to skirt around the western edge of Ithaca. After that it was a mere five minutes north before he was turning into yet another driveway that was heavily obscured by foliage.

My heart would have been pounding.

This driveway wasn't nearly as windy as the one in Forks had been, probably thanks to the fact that the property was actually some kind of historical monument that had fallen into disrepair. I caught sight of the statuesque outline of the house, currently peppered with several lighted windows that looked very inviting, almost immediately. Carlisle pulled the car around a large, circular drive that came to a stop in front of what I assumed was the front entrance. The rest of the family was waiting on the large front porch, fully illuminated by the light overhead.

I felt a little like throwing up, which was an odd sensation seeing as I hadn't eaten anything in well over four days.

"Come on Bella," Alice encouraged, her musical voice both gentle and excited. "Let's go."

I took a deep breath that I didn't need and then opened my door. I used the door as a sort of crutch, pulling myself up and out of the car awkwardly, all the while watching the four vampires on the front porch, at a loss for what to say.

It turned out that I didn't need to say anything. I no sooner had the car door shut than Esme was at my side, hugging me fiercely.

"Bella," she said with emotion, "Honey, it is so good to see you."

Something in me snapped and I found myself returning her embrace with just as much fervor. "Esme," I choked out. I couldn't explain the weird emotion coursing through me. I knew that no one would ever replace Renee as my mom, but in that moment I also realized that Esme had become something of a mother-figure to me somewhere during our time at Forks, and that that relationship had managed to survive the nearly half a year we'd spent apart.

It was wonderfully comforting to be hugged by a mother again.

"Come on, Mom, you're hogging her," came a voice that I recognized as Emmett immediately. Esme had barely let go of me before I was swept up into a bone-crushing kind of hug from behind. "You're certainly more durable," Emmett teased good-naturedly. "Good to see you, Bella."

"You too, Emmett," I grinned. "Though I'd appreciate it if you'd put me down." Emmett chuckled and obliged. I hugged him properly and then turned to where Jasper was waiting, hand-in-hand with a beaming Alice.

"Hi, Jasper."

"Bella," he nodded, reaching his free hand out to me. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," I agreed, shaking his hand. "I'm glad I'm here. I mean, I'm glad you're here too, I just thought…ugh…" My voice trailed off and I felt like diving into the nearest hole in the ground. This was definitely one of those blushing moments.

"Sheesh, calm down, Bella," Alice teased, her eyes twinkling. "He's not going to bite you."

"Sorry," I apologized, a thousand times more grateful that I couldn't actually blush anymore. "I guess I'm still a bit nervous."

"I'm looking forward to starting over," Jasper admitted, smiling.

"Yeah, it's a good thing that I get a second chance at convincing you that I'm not actually a freak." Jasper laughed and I couldn't help smiling with him, unsure of whether he was trying to put me at ease or if it was just happening naturally.

In hindsight he probably was helping a bit, seeing as it was Rosalie I was greeting next and I didn't know what to expect. I also had no idea which would be worse, walking up to her and acting like nothing was wrong between us or waiting, afraid, for her to make the first move. I forced myself to look at her painfully beautiful face, meeting her challenging stare head on.

"Rosalie," I attempted, smiling slightly.

She nodded her head in my direction. "Bella," she acknowledged. That was about all I got, but I would take it over glares and sneers any day. My smile broadened considerably.

Carlisle had driven the car around the corner of the house after Alice and I had gotten out, presumably parking it in some unseen garage. He came back around the corner and joined our little party, greeting Esme with a kiss.

He tossed me something that I caught reflexively more than intentionally and turned out to be the keys to the car he'd just put away.

I was in a good enough mood that I didn't argue about the implications. After all, I could always find a way to give the keys back. Or conveniently lose them.

"Welcome home, Bella."

And as I looked up at the familiar faces around me, (almost) all smiling, I couldn't help but agree.

_I was home._

_**A/N: More introspection, I know. First Jasper, now Esme… But I got Bella to Ithaca! There should be less thinking and more DOING from now on.**_

_**And I think I can promise some Edward next chapter. ;)**_

_**Oh! I'm also taking suggestions for nicknames that Emmett would call Bella—it just seems like they'd have that kind of relationship, and I can't remember (and can't find out) if there are any in the actual books, besides the ever present "Bells", which seems to belong exclusively to Jacob and Charlie. Any ideas?**_


	6. Edward

_216 Missed Calls…_

_Somehow I was able to register vague surprise that the counter even reached that high. Wearily I hit 'view', although I already knew who it was. Sure enough, the number displayed on the tiny screen was the one my family was currently utilizing. No one else had my number. 216 calls… Someone sure had wanted to get a hold of me._

_My surprise was rapidly turning to irritation. Unmerited, I'll admit—I'd been away from the phone for several days, it wasn't as if I had actually heard the phone ring 216 times—but I was rather tightly wound these days. Poor excuse as it was, I couldn't help feeling justified. Hadn't I made it perfectly clear that I wanted to be left alone? _

_Knowing I was being unfair, I flipped the phone shut again, not interested enough to bother calling back. If someone back at home had something they wanted to say that badly, they'd call again. Maybe I'd answer._

_Almost immediately, the phone in my hand vibrated twice, indicating a new message._

_I stood still, deliberating, then finally sighed and opened the phone again._

_It couldn't hurt to listen to a message._

_It was Emmett's voice on the other end, which surprised me. The sheer number of calls suggested Rose's persistence. But then, even if Rose had made the calls, they'd probably not allowed her to leave the message._

_Smart move._

_I listened to the brief, vague message, which did nothing to soothe my anger. Of course they had something important to say. I could have figured that out from the 216 phone calls. Couldn't he have been a little more specific? _

_I was about to hang up in disgust when I heard something else, just barely registering before the message ended. Something inside of me went numb, a rather rare sensation for a vampire. I hit the four and the message started to replay. I stopped breathing, waiting, needing to be sure…_

_And sure enough, at the end of the message, there was Rose's voice._

"_Nothing about Be—"_

_The phone fell out of my nerveless grasp, clattering against the wooden floor so hard that the battery popped out._

_It stayed that way for a very long time._


	7. Phone Call

**Bella**

"Whoa!"

And there was the floor, rushing up to meet my face. Again.

I caught my fall with my hands just in time, but my hard body crashing into the carpeted floor still made a rather loud noise.

" 'M fine!" I yelled around a mouthful of carpet, knowing that every other vampire in the house had heard me biff it. I heard their various amused responses and let my head fall onto my arms in embarrassment. I lay still, allowing myself a few moments of what I thought was well deserved self-pity.

Vampires, as a rule, did not fall down. Not without a good reason. They were blessed with a fluid sort of grace that, for the life of me, _I could not tap into_. Add one more to the list of things normal vampires did or had that I, for some mysterious reason, did not.

"Floor meet face, face—floor," I sighed, resigned. Ignoring the sudden eruption of laughter I could hear coming from Emmett downstairs, I pushed myself up to my knees and looked back at the floor behind me for any sign of something that I could have tripped over.

There was nothing but carpet. Not even a _wrinkle_ in the carpet.

Wonder of wonders, I had managed to trip over nothing.

Again.

This was my fate. Not even becoming a vampire had cured the infamous curse of Isabella Swan, the danger magnet and klutz extraordinaire. I heaved myself to my feet, thankful that I had been carrying a stack of sheets that Esme and I had just finished folding instead of something more breakable. The nice thing about sheets is that even with the tripping and the flying and such, they don't get that abused. I gathered them up quickly and then walked the rest of the way down the hall to the linen closet.

_Danger magnet…_

It had been so long since I'd thought of myself in that context that I was startled to realize that it barely applied anymore. Well, _yes_, I had somehow managed to get myself bitten by a vampire, the circumstances of which I still couldn't remember, but since then the most dangerous thing I'd experienced was tripping in the upstairs hallway.

Perhaps I'd filled my quota of near-death experiences. After all, it's kind of hard to beat dying, isn't it?

It had been three weeks now since I'd come to live with the Cullens. I'd fallen naturally into the family routine, busying myself with a thousand little things like helping Esme with renovations or housework, or rough-housing with Emmett (my newborn strength made this a whole lot more fun than I'd thought it would be), or—my _favorite_—shopping with Alice. The obstinate woman simply would not let me rest until my wardrobe was "up to par", and while I had to admit that her choices were perfect, I still didn't quite believe that such a huge selection of outfits was even remotely necessary. Especially when I wasn't contributing anything of real value in return, monetary or otherwise.

It became quickly apparent to me, once again, that I was far outclassed by this family. While Carlisle was out saving lives and Jasper was studying philosophy at Cornell, while Rose was tuning cars and Alice was predicting trends in the stock market, I found myself involved in what felt like far more trivial work. I helped around the house. I provided company when someone was left at home, seeing as I still hadn't needed to hunt. The Cullens had provided me with a room all for myself, which Esme had insisted that I decorate to my own tastes. I had busied myself with that for a while, but my inability to sleep had me finished in no time. The room was now covered in various shades of blue—the walls, the sofa, even the rugs. The choice had been so natural I hadn't even needed to deliberate. It wasn't until the job was almost done that I'd realized who else it was who had liked the color blue. Or rather, the color blue _on me_.

That train of thought was rapidly becoming something I didn't want to explore, so I forced myself to stop. Instead, I stared at the sheets, sitting innocently on the shelf in front of me, thinking hard about my original problem. Everyone here had a purpose, something to give. Between the seven Cullens there were an astonishing number of college-level degrees, not to mention a few masters and even doctorates. I hadn't even been able to finish high school. What good could I bring to this family without even the smallest of degrees?

I came to a decision in that moment, closed the linen closet, and walked carefully back down the hall and stairs to where Esme was getting ready to paint over the newly repaired front wall.

"Want some help?" I offered.

Esme's reply came after a moment's pause. "I'd love your help, Bella, if it's what you really want." I nodded eagerly and Esme smiled at me. "Throw on a smock and grab a paintbrush." She gestured to where I could find both and I got to it.

We worked in an amiable silence for a minute before Esme spoke again. "You've been wonderful to have around, you know. It's not often that I find so eager a helper in my other children." I smiled to myself at this, pleased, not expecting what came next. "But I can't help but wonder if you're really happy."

I dropped the paintbrush. "Sorry," I muttered, bending down to scoop it up, thankful for the plastic that Esme had carefully laid on the floor to catch drips.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" Esme asked me seriously, her eyes leaving the wall in front of her to catch mine.

I nodded slowly before returning to the task at hand. Esme did the same, waiting patiently for me to talk when I was ready.

"I'm happy," I started finally, wanting to make it abundantly clear that nothing was amiss with the house or the family at all. "I really am, Esme, please believe me." I paused, collecting my thoughts, watching Esme's perfect brush strokes. "I _do_ feel a little inadequate," I admitted. "I haven't had as much experience as everyone else and because of that I'm not able to contribute much to the family. It makes me feel a little like…well…dead weight." And it did.

Esme nodded. "I can see why you'd feel that way. We're an intimidating group after all." She flashed a gentle smile my way and I couldn't help feeling a little bit warmer inside. "But you're not dead weight, Bella, not to any of us. And as far as contributions you've made to the family, I think you'd be surprised."

"The house doesn't count," I grumbled, and Esme laughed.

"I'd beg to differ, but that wasn't actually what I was talking about. For instance." Esme dipped her brush into the tray and scraped the excess off while she thought. "Have you noticed how often Rose seems to be smiling? Or the number of times Emmett's been whistling to himself? Jasper is in such a good mood that he can't contain it, and Alice is laughing again. Here's a good one: how about how little the four of them fight?"

I shook my head. "Esme, that…none of that is because of me."

"Trust me, Bella, it is. Losing Edward and you took a lot out of us. We almost came apart at the seams, in a way. Rose and Emmett left for a while—honeymooning again, this time in Europe—but they were really trying to get away from the gloom that had settled on the rest of us. It's hard to keep going when you feel so wretched, believe me."

"Were things really that bad?"

"Rose stopped complaining."

I laughed in spite of myself. "Yikes."

Esme nodded as she set her brush down, coming over and placing her hands on my shoulders. "You brought life back to us, Bella, first with Edward in Forks, and again for the rest of us here. You brought happiness and laughter back. Thanks to you, we are acting like a family again. That is what you've contributed to the Cullens, and no matter how many degrees you end up with, I'll always see _that_ as your most important and meaningful achievement."

I wasn't able to reply right away, so I just nodded, letting Esme pull me into a hug.

"Thanks," I said quietly into her hair.

"No, Bella, thank _you_."

When we got back to the painting a few minutes later and I was in relatively better control, I recalled the resolution that I'd made standing in front of the linen closet a few minutes earlier.

"Esme?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"I want to go back to high school."

Esme nodded, smiling. "I think that could be arranged."

**Rosalie**

It's an uncomfortable thing to be sharing a house and a family with a girl that you've put a lot of energy into resenting. Especially when you know that you were the one in the wrong and she had never actually done anything to deserve your resentment. I absolutely hated admitting that to myself, but Isabella Swan was quickly becoming an everyday part of my life and I was tired and a little ashamed of everything it took to stay angry.

I refused to admit out loud that I had been jealous of her, but inside my head I couldn't deny that this had been the truth. She had been human, which was something I had spent all of my undead life craving. There was even a small part of me that had been able to resent her for the fact that Edward had chosen her so readily when he'd passed over me without a second thought. Don't get me wrong, I have Emmett and I'll always love him—not to mention that there really is no physical attraction between Edward and I—but I can't deny that some part of my pride was stung by this small rejection, even if it was better for both of us.

In any case, Bella was no longer human, nor was she even with Edward. Everything I'd resented her for had been taken from her and I couldn't help but feel a little guilty, as if my jealousy had resulted in her losing both her life and her love. Though I found it a bit unfair that she hadn't yet had to deal with the thirst the rest of us were constantly battling, I really didn't want to resent her anymore. But I wasn't going to just waltz up to her and say that. We were a long ways away from sharing any kind of close bond, even if it was getting easier to respect her and even like her at times.

All the same, there was no denying that even I had been happier lately and I knew it. I'm not afraid to admit that it was probably thanks to Bella Swan either. But there were times, like those when I was trying out of the goodness of my heart to get a hold of the stupidest, most stubborn brother I've ever had, when I couldn't help but get irritated.

I hadn't been able to get a dial tone after that first day, which probably meant that Edward had had enough and decided to leave his phone off for a while. Our number of attempts to call him decreased exponentially after that, eventually ending in one call a day and sometimes a message imploring him to have mercy on his poor family and call back.

It was so ridiculous that it made me feel physically ill. Who was Edward to shut us out like this? We were trying to _help_ him.

Three weeks passed after Bella's arrival and I was starting to think that tracking him was indeed going to be our only option. The very thought of the look on Edward's face when Tanya came barreling down on him was almost enough to alleviate my irritation. As far as I was concerned, he deserved to have her track him down.

Even though I was angry, and vocal about it, that Edward was purposefully neglecting us, deep down I couldn't help feeling a little sad too. After all, he was my brother and I wanted him to come home.

That night, after three weeks of failed attempts, I tried the number out of boredom.

We had all brought our various projects and gathered together in the living room, just enjoying each others company. Carlisle was filling out some paperwork; Esme was sewing together some light fabric that would eventually become the curtains for the upstairs hall, her fingers flying at vampire speed. Bella had brought one of her new books downstairs and was curled up in a chair, reading. Jasper was reading too, only his was a textbook for one of his classes. Emmett had given me a handy little radar to attach to the dashboard of my car that would tell me when I was approaching a waiting police man, I was playing with it idly, seeing if there was anyway I could extend its reach. It was a very thoughtful gift, seeing as I wasn't able to read minds or see the future and was therefore more likely to get caught. Emmett and Alice were playing some kind of card game, which I watched for a while, once I'd gotten tired of what I was doing. I was amused for a while at Emmett's fruitless attempts to overcome Alice's ability to see the future, but I soon lost interest in that too. My eyes wandered the room for a while until they fell on the telephone, which was sitting conveniently within my reach.

Was it even worth trying?

_Oh, why not?_

I picked up the receiver and dialed Edward's number swiftly, not expecting anything more than the answering machine.

But it rang.

I was so surprised that I almost dropped the phone. I saw Emmett glance over at me out of the corner of my eye, looking a little concerned, but I waved him off, listening to the second ring. It wasn't as if there was anything to get all that excited about, his phone being on did not mean that he was going to answer. The chances of that happening were—

The third ring cut off abruptly. For the second time that night, the phone nearly fell out of my hand.

"Who am I talking to?"

It was harsh and maybe a little hurt, but it was his voice. _He'd picked up…_

"E—Edward?" I asked lamely, forcing my voice to work around the shock and wishing my brain had been as fast on the recovery. I felt every eye in the room rivet on me.

"It's my number, Rose, who did you _think_ was going to answer?"

"Excuse me, but I wasn't expecting you to actually pick up the phone, Edward Cullen. Its not as if you've been all that fussed about talking to us these past few weeks, is it?" I snapped, regaining my composure with a surge of annoyance. "Now, if you're done sulking, there's something very important that we've been trying to tell you."

"I rather figured you had something to say after you called me 216 times three weeks ago. My phone has been without its battery since then. You haven't been trying to call me all this time, have you?"

"No," I bit out, daring myself not to rise to his taunts. "Not 216 times a day at least. Edward, we—"

"You couldn't just leave a message and be done with it?"

He was impossible. "We're not socially incompetent, Edward! You don't drop something like this on someone you care about in a message, you tell them in person! Now are you ready to listen to me?"

"Is Bella dead?"

For a minute I forgot how to speak again. The directness of the question had surprised me, sure, but it was more the tone of his voice that left me speechless. I hadn't ever heard so many layers of emotion in one voice before and I knew that he was experiencing an agony so profound that I could barely comprehend it.

"Rose," he tried again, his voice less controlled. "Answer me."

Behind me I heard Alice gasp sharply, but I was too focused on Edward to pay much attention. He'd assumed my hesitation meant yes! Hearing him like this, I didn't even want to imagine what he'd do if I told him she was. My answer stumbled out without my even thinking about it.

"No, she's not, Edward, she's fine."

There was silence on the other end and I didn't know if he believed me or not.

"You wouldn't lie to me would you?" he asked finally, his voice so quiet that even I could barely hear it.

"No," I insisted. "Not about this, Edward." And I wouldn't have. I let him chew on that for a moment before plowing forward. "Listen. Bella's—"

"Is she happy?" he interrupted, his voice still almost too soft to hear.

"Reasonably," I admitted, getting irritated again. "Edward, she's—"

"Rose, I really don't want to hear," he interrupted again, his voice louder this time, but exponentially more pained. "Thanks for calling."

I panicked. He was hanging up! "No Edward, wait! You have to listen to me—oh I don't _believe_ it!" I threw the phone down with enough force that it might have broken. "He _finally _answers and then hangs up before I can tell him _anything_!"

I turned to face my family, who had all gathered around the phone behind my back.

"Apparently using Rosalie as spokeswoman wasn't the best idea," Jasper said after a moment, incensing me even more.

"I'd like to see _you_ try to reason with him," I snapped. "Every time I started to say something he cut me off!"

"I'm just saying he was more likely to hang up on you than on Carlisle," Jasper shrugged, trying to hide his severe disappointment behind the smart remarks but forgetting that, when he wasn't completely in control, we could feel what he felt too.

"He's afraid," Esme said softly, her eyes on Bella, whose face was impossible to read. "He's hurting so much… I don't think he wants to risk hurting more, no matter what news we have for him."

"I _told_ him Bella was alright, that she wasn't dead—"

"Which was more or less a lie," Alice reminded me.

"You didn't hear him, Alice," I defended, my anger suddenly gone and replaced by fear. "If I'd said Bella was dead, he would have hung up before I could explain that she was also sitting right next to me." My voice fell to a whisper; I'd never been so frightened in all of my vampire existence. "If I'd told him Bella was dead we'd never have seen him again."

"A little melodramatic, Rose, don't you think?" Emmett asked gently. "It's not as if he'd run off to Italy or anything."

"He was thinking about it," Alice said quietly. "I saw it, clear as day, while Rose was on the phone."

"The _idiot_," Jasper breathed, his voice betraying all of our worries.

"Is he still?" Esme's tone was sharper than I'd ever heard her use before.

Alice shook her head worriedly. "He's staying in South America for now."

Whatever discussion would have ensued was then cut off as Bella turned abruptly, her book clutched so tightly in her hands that I was afraid she was going to rip it in two. "I'll be in my room," she said to no one in particular, her voice tight.

We watched her leave in silence, none of us sure what to say.

"Right," Carlisle announced after a moment, breaking the silence. "Rose, the phone, if you will."

The authority in his voice was almost tangible; I handed the phone to him without even realizing I was doing it. Carlisle dialed Edward's number and we waited. As expected, he didn't pick up, but Carlisle waited patiently for the answering machine.

We all heard that single, impersonal beep.

"Edward, this is your father," Carlisle said simply but powerfully. "You need to come home for a few days. Immediately."

The silence in the room as he hung up the phone was deafening.

_**A/N: Let me apologize for any incoherency or typos found in this chapter—I'm currently running a fever of over a hundred. But what kind of author would I be if I let that stand in my way? :D So, this was the first half of that long and involved chapter promised in my bio. It was getting so long that I decided to split it up, even if it set things back a bit. So… I'm predicting at least two more chapters, maybe three. Hang in there, guys! Edward's stubbornness will be overcome, and sooner than you think! (Either that or he'll call Charlie and end up in Italy…) Thanks for the reviews and the support, you guys really are awesome!**_

_**A/N 2: Well, that was embarrassing... I just fixed a number of highly obvious typos. You guys deserve better than that! **_


	8. Thirst

_**Disclaimer: The Twilight Universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Go check out the trailer for the movie!**_

**Evening - Two Days After the Phone Call**

_It can't hurt to listen to one more message… That's what I'd told myself. I couldn't deny that I was curious, even if I'd told Rose otherwise. It had taken everything I'd had to hang up on her, and every second that had passed I'd regretted it more. It didn't matter that it would probably hurt to hear, my family had news about Bella and I wanted to know what it was. So I'd do it. I'd listen to the message. I'd hear what they had to say and then I'd forget it. It would take all of a minute and would save me a lot of grief the next time I went home. It was just a message, it wouldn't hurt that much. It couldn't. Funny how that one message had landed me here, feeling as if someone had stabbed a knife into my heart and twisted it…_

**Bella – The Night of the Phone Call**

_Rose, I really don't want to hear…_

Those words haunted me for the rest of the night. If ever I needed proof that Edward was busy trying to forget about me, this would be it.

I had pretended not to notice it when someone would quietly set the phone receiver down whenever I entered a room, greeting me with a sympathetic shake of the head. I had pretended not to care that the days had turned rapidly into weeks and that we had still heard nothing from him. And I was determined to pretend that it didn't matter to me that Edward was too busy distracting himself to care, that he was totally and completely uninterested in hearing anything about me whatsoever. It didn't bother me.

What a lie. What a useless lie. The Cullen's weren't fooled, and neither was I.

I was still very much in love with Edward Cullen.

The sound of his voice, coming so unexpectedly out of the phone, could have started my dead heart all over again. It didn't matter that he had sounded irritated, simply hearing him had filled the void inside of me that I'd been steadfastly ignoring. I had even briefly entertained the thought of tearing the phone out of Rosalie's hand, just so that I could hear him better.

I should have. I should have told him what had happened when I'd had the chance. I should have told him to come home and give me, the vampire me, another chance. Now it was too late—he'd answered once, who knew when he'd do it again?—and I was left feeling even more empty than before, hearing the tantalizing ghost of his voice tell Rose, yet again, how utterly uninterested he was in me now.

It was a long night. I sat in my dark room fighting the tidal-wave sized surge of emotion that threatened to engulf me, struggling to come to terms with everything that had happened. The skies were pink with the light of dawn before I was able to come to a tentative truce with myself.

I was going to be alive forever, and I didn't want to spend forever in a state of constant misery. Everyone else in the Cullen family had been doing what they could to help fix _my_ life; it was about time for me to take it into my own hands. I was going to do what it took, whatever it took, to bring my life back into my own control. I wasn't going to spend eternity waiting.

The Cullens wanted Edward back, and so did I. I was going to do what I could to bring him home. Maybe he didn't want me anymore. Maybe I still wouldn't be enough to keep him satisfied. But I was through waiting around hoping that someday he'd come back. If I still wasn't good enough, I was going to give him the chance to decide that for himself and tell me in person.

It was my turn.

**Emmett**

Trying to tip-toe around Isabella Swan Cullen—she was reluctant to use the honorary "Cullen" probably because of the marital implications, Edward, and some nonsense about not fitting in, but I tack it on anyway because she _is_ more or less a part of the family—is not a good idea. I tried to tell the rest of them that it wouldn't work, but they insisted on treating her like something that was likely to break. Force of habit, I guess, but ridiculous all the same, seeing as she was about as _un_breakable as you can get.

After that phone call with Edward, we didn't see or hear her for several hours. She shut herself in her room and didn't make a sound for the rest of the night. None of us were able to read minds, so it was impossible to know exactly what she was thinking, but it wasn't hard to guess. I don't know what we were expecting when we saw her the next morning, but it wasn't the bright, cheerful, loveable little Bella that we got. The family had been prepared to avoid any Edward-related subjects when Bella was around, despite my protests that dancing around the problem wasn't going to make anyone feel better or bring Edward home faster. They weren't expecting Bella to turn up, smiling and seemingly as happy as ever. And they definitely weren't expecting her to bring it up on her own.

"Morning," she grinned as she breezed into the living room where Jasper and I were watching TV.

"Hi, Isabella," I answered as Jasper grunted and waved, seemingly immersed in the television. Bella and I exchanged exasperated smirks.

"Last chance, Bella," Alice warned as she walked into the living room, slinging her purse onto her shoulder. "Are you sure you don't want to come? I think it would be good to get out of the house for a while."

"No thanks, Alice," Bella replied, her good humor sounding a little forced. "You go and enjoy yourself. I've got Emmett and Jasper to keep me company, though currently your husband seems to be more interested in the weather forecast."

Alice rolled her eyes as the announcer promised northern New York a sunny afternoon. "Actually, it's going to rain," she contradicted. "And Buffalo's not going to see the sun for two days, perfect for an overnight shopping trip," she wheedled, looking imploringly up at Bella and sighing in frustration when she shook her head firmly.

"I really don't mind staying here," Bella promised. She walked with Alice to the front door where Rose was waiting, and I turned to Jasper, whom Alice and I had both known had not been focusing on the weather.

"How is she?" I asked while Bella was busy talking to the girls.

He sighed. "Still about how you would expect. Not terrible, but not happy. This is getting ridiculous. She shouldn't have to hurt because of his stubbornness."

"I think it's all this waiting around that's getting to her. I know Esme wants to give him time to come around on his own, but sitting and waiting isn't the answer, not when it's causing more harm than good."

Jasper nodded. "I'm calling Tanya if we haven't heard from him again by the end of the week. It's about time we did something."

"Agreed. We'll have him back by next week." We'd have to do it quietly because Esme was sure to object and we didn't want to risk getting Bella's hopes up, but that didn't matter. Having a plan of action felt good.

The front door shut behind Rose and Alice and so we dropped the subject, pretending yet again to be interested in the television.

"You got off easy you know," I said to Bella as she reentered the room. "You know how Alice is when she thinks she's right about something. I'd have expected her to drag you along whether you wanted to go or not."

"Yeah, well, I had to promise to come along on the next one," Bella grimaced. "And I can't not mean it when I tell her that either, not with Alice."

"Having a sister that can see the future is rough." I patted the seat next to me. "Join us."

She vaulted herself over the couch, landing in the seat easily and swatting at me when I teasingly cringed away, covering my head.

"What, no flailing limbs?" I asked in mock surprise.

Bella grinned. "I have my moments, Emmett."

"Wow, Bellarina, I was expecting to get kneed in the head at the very _least_." She rolled her eyes at me, whether for the teasing or the nickname, I didn't know. "I'm just saying—no one got hurt. It's impressive, for you."

"Last I checked, I could still beat you at wrestling, so I wouldn't get too comfortable with the teasing if I were you," she shot back. "Let's face it, it doesn't look all that impressive—a big, strong guy like you getting thoroughly whipped by a tiny little thing like me."

I nodded my head in concession as Jasper snorted. "Touché." While not as small as Alice, Bella was still a little squirt. A squirt that was twice as strong as I was at the moment, though that was likely to start wearing off as the last of her blood was used up. Of course, this was Bella we were dealing with, the vampire who wasn't thirsty. We knew already that you couldn't count on anything being 'normal' with her.

We watched the TV in silence for a moment—since there usually weren't any good sports airing at eight in the morning, it was still a local news report that was currently covering a nasty pile-up on I-90 somewhere between Rochester and Buffalo.

"That'll slow Alice down," Bella remarked off-hand.

"Nah," I shook my head, grinning at Jasper's amused smirk. "You think a measly road block can keep Alice from those shopping malls?"

"Good point."

"She'll find a way around it," Jasper agreed.

We listened to the report for a while longer, but I was more interested in Bella's apparent lack of angst than how long it would likely take for the interstate to be cleared. It was obvious that Jasper's thoughts were on her too because he spent more time scrutinizing her face than looking at the screen.

Eventually, Bella let out a long sigh. "Guys, I'm fine. I promise. You can stop staring at me like you're worried I'm about to fall apart. It's driving me crazy."

Yep, that was my Bella. About as sturdy as they come.

"Sorry, Bella," Jasper said quietly. "We can't really help worrying."

Bella looked down at her hands, frowning. "I heard what you two were talking about. When I was with Alice and Rose."

"Bella—"

"I want to help. If you go, I'll come with."

Jasper and I exchanged looks and I shrugged. I was completely at a loss for how to handle this kind of thing. It was better to leave it to the guy who dealt with others' emotions on a daily basis.

"You were right, Emmett," she continued quietly. "I'm tired of waiting and I'm tired of letting you all deal with my problems. If we get a hold of him again, I want to talk to him. And if it comes to tracking him down, then I want to go along. Okay?" She looked between the both of us in silence for a minute. I shrugged again.

"Fine by me," I said. "I agree with you."

Jasper frowned. "Bringing Edward home is as much our problem as it is yours," he pointed out. "You shouldn't think of it as a burden for us. If anything, it's an added bonus that it helps you out too."

"Maybe, but that's my point," Bella insisted. "Up until now you have been doing all the work. I want to take my turn to help _you_ out." Jasper nodded slowly, his face a mask. "And I don't want to be treated like I'm fragile either," she added bluntly. "You don't need to go out of your way to make sure I'm not going to get my feelings hurt. Please. I don't think I could stand it." She looked between me and Jasper beseechingly and I reached over to ruffle her hair.

"No coddling. Got it," I agreed, causing Bella to smile even as she pushed my arm away. "I knew you were made of tougher stuff."

"Thanks, Emmett." Bella turned apprehensively to Jasper who was still frowning. "What do you say?"

"I can't tell you 'no', not about this," Jasper sighed finally. "And I promise not to treat you differently, but I'm not sure it's a good idea."

"Maybe it's not," Bella agreed, her voice soft, "but I have to do _something_. I can't wait anymore."

Jasper nodded. "Okay." Bella beamed up at him.

"Thanks." Jasper ruffled her hair as well, smirking when she squirmed out of his reach.

We sat in a companionable silence for a moment longer, though now the TV was showing a reel of food commercials. About as uninteresting as TV can get. "I think I'm going to go see what Esme's up to," Jasper said, standing. "We still up for tonight, then?" he added to me, referring to our plan to go hunting that evening.

I nodded, grinning. "Those bears won't know what hit 'em." I held out my fist and Jasper hit it with his own as he passed. "See ya, Jazz."

He grimaced at me in reaction to the unwanted nickname. Bella was laughing so he took the opportunity to hiss "get her out of the house" as quietly as he could before bidding her goodbye and leaving. Unfortunately, the stealth tactic had already failed once this morning. Chances were good that Bella heard him, but if she had she didn't let on.

"Obviously high school has done _loads_ for you," Bella laughed, holding up her fist in clarification. "Who cares how bored you are if you can pick up a few of the latest trends?"

"Exactly," I agreed, though my thoughts were back with Jasper's hissed instructions. The only reason Jasper would want Bella out was so she wouldn't be able to overhear whatever it was he went to Esme to talk about. Was she really in that bad of shape? I picked up the remote and switched off the TV. "It may be raining in Buffalo, but the sun's still shining here. Wanna go for a run?"

Bella beamed up at me. "Sure."

"Wanna race?"

"Where to?"

I thought for a moment. "Top of the furthest hill?"

"West?"

I nodded.

Bella's answering grin was almost feral. "You're on."

I stood and helped her up and together we walked as slowly as we could through the house to the front door—we'd started a few races from inside the house and gotten our ears scolded off by Esme—where we gave up all pretenses of civility and took off into the wilderness that was central New York.

I was quite pleased with myself. I'd managed to get Bella out of the house without arousing her suspicions, and to top it off, she was doing something she actually enjoyed. Of all the things in her new life Bella had been growing accustomed to, her ability to take off at inhuman speeds had been the hardest. Honestly, we'd all been worried about her hurtling through the trees at breakneck speeds due to her ability to trip over air, but she'd taken it slow and was now able to race with the best of us without our having to worry about her actually breaking her neck. She loved it, being able to run like us. She was fast too, probably fast enough to give Edward a run for his money.

I think the running made her feel closer to Edward—he'd taken her running plenty of times back in Forks. But whatever the reason, Bella liked running and I liked my 'baby' sister happy.

I managed to keep up with her over the first two hills, but by the third she was leaving me in the dust, as usual. I couldn't help grinning fondly as I ran, watching her tear through the trees ahead of me. Isabella Swan Cullen really was a force to be reckoned with. Edward was going to have his hands full with her.

When I reached the top of the designated hill—not actually the furthest from our home, but the last one visible from it—Bella was lying on her back, staring up at the sky through the trees.

"What took you?" she grinned, not looking at me.

"Ran into a grizzly," I shrugged, causing Bella to laugh. I flopped down on the grass next to her. "Seriously, woman, you're a speed demon. Now if only we could somehow transfer that to your driving."

"Sorry. Lost the keys again. Whoops." Bella's usual excuse fell on unmerciful ears.

"No problem. We'll take my jeep." Bella groaned and I chuckled, knowing how much she hated that vehicle. "Wouldn't be a problem if you could just hold onto those keys of yours." She groaned again and sat up, glaring at me as if I'd betrayed her in the most horrible way possible. "What?" I teased. "It's the truth—you wouldn't have to deal with our driving if you'd just swallow your pride and accept the car."

She sulked for a few seconds, pulling some grass out of the ground. "Okay, I admit it: being able to drive myself is a million times better than letting you maniacs chauffer me around. Don't tell Alice I said that though, she'd never let me live it down."

"My lips are sealed." We sat, looking up at the sky, ignoring the way our skin sparkled in leaf-dappled patterns as the sun shone through the branches overhead.

"Hey, Emmett?" Bella asked eventually.

"Hmm?"

"I've been thinking…and I've got a question."

"Go ahead."

There was silence as she watched the clouds move overhead. "I was told once that vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies."

"Yes, and?" I asked, not sure where she was going.

"Well…I just don't understand. Alice said that the reason she and Carlisle knew to come for me was that the werewolves called them."

"That's right."

"But…if werewolves hate vampires so much, why would they go to the trouble? Wouldn't they have just killed me and left it at that?"

I stretched out, resting the back of my head on my hands, thinking. "Well, yes, actually. That was one of the reasons Jasper was so anxious about going out there—he thought it was a trap."

"But it wasn't."

"No. For some reason, they wanted to let you live. Well, one of them did, anyway. Carlisle said that there was a member of the pack that had been dead set against killing you, even though you were becoming his greatest enemy. Maybe he was just soft. Or maybe he knew you. I couldn't tell you the real reason."

Bella was silent for a while and I could tell what I'd told her disturbed her. "Did Carlisle give you a name?" she asked finally, her voice infinitely soft.

"Yes, but I honestly can't remember," I apologized. "You could ask him when we get back."

Bella nodded. "Thanks." Her eyes moved back to the sky above her.

"No problem."

**Bella**

The wheels in my head were turning and I wasn't liking the direction they were taking me. Pieces of an ugly puzzle were falling into place in my head. One of the werewolves had been insistent that I should be allowed to live. The pack leader had been Sam Uley. Sam, conveniently, had been the head of a gang that Jacob had been scared of, a gang that I was starting to suspect was actually the pack. Jacob had disappeared for weeks, leaving me lost and alone once more. And then, as I'd discovered the day I'd woken from my transformation, Charlie had actually seen Jake hanging out with Sam's gang, the same day that Laurent had bitten me in the meadow.

I tried to think logically about the situation, but gave up when I realized I was dealing with _werewolves_. I wanted to find another solution, but suddenly all of it was starting to make sense. The way Jacob had harshly severed ties, the unconvincing lies Billy told me, the illness, even the way he'd suddenly flip-flopped from hating Sam and his gang to following them around like…well, like a part of the pack.

Jacob, my friend Jacob, was a werewolf.

Well, no wonder I'd always gotten along with him so well.

I hadn't thought about Jacob in a long time, and I found myself suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. He'd been going through something that I couldn't possibly have understood. He'd probably forced us apart in order to keep me safe. Jake had been my best friend, my sun, and I hadn't been able to help him when he needed it the most. And then I'd been changed and rushed away, alive because of _him_. He'd arranged for the Cullens to be notified, and watched them take me away and I hadn't even had the time to give him a second thought in the weeks I'd been in Ithaca.

An even worse thought struck me and I sat up abruptly, upset. If I was right, and I was going to ask Carlisle the next chance I got, Jake was a werewolf. And I was a vampire.

We were now enemies.

"Bellarina, your eyes are getting pretty dark," Emmett commented; strangely his voice seemed to be coming at me from very far away. "Hey…are you alrigh—"

I heard no more as my head fell into my hands, my ears suddenly ringing. A wave of severe nausea washed over me and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the spinning world.

My throat was starting to itch. I coughed twice in an attempt to satisfy it, but that only seemed to make it worse, growing from an itch to a dull ache to an intense burning in mere seconds. It was horrible, like swallowing a hedgehog and getting it lodged in your throat, only about a hundred times worse. I gasped, clutching at my throat, noticing that the place where Laurent had bit me was stinging nastily. I needed some water…

…No, not water…I needed blood…

My eyes widened in horror as I realized the truth: I was thirsty.

"Em—Emmett—" I choked out, needing to convey to him what was wrong before I lost control, but in that instant a sweet scent reached my nose, one that promised relief from this awful burning.

My last shred of humanity disappeared as the animal in me took over. My instincts knew exactly what to do and I took off in the direction of my prey, leaving Emmett far behind.

_**A/N: First of all, a very, very big thank you to **_**one day i'll escape this life_ for coming up with the name "Bellarina"! Thanks!_  
**

_**I'm back! Apologies for the wait, it's been a long haul—finals, packing, moving, and then having the wisdom teeth out (that was fun…) but summer break has officially started so I'm back in business. **_

_**As per my recent habit, this was only the first half of everything I meant to write. Good news is I have the next chapter planned out and it'll be out very VERY soon!**_

_**Thanks so SOO much to all the reviewers and readers! **_


	9. Love

_**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer**_

**Bella**

It took me a moment to realize exactly what had happened. I was alone in the middle of the New York forest I now lived in, crouching next to the shriveled corpse of what appeared to be a bull moose. How had I gotten there?

I pushed myself to my feet and in doing so realized that I was in quite a state—there was a great deal of dirt on my clothes and my hair, which had been in a braid before, was now loose and hanging around my face. I dusted the dirt off but was too concerned with where I was and why to care much about the state of my clothes.

Where was Emmett? We'd raced, I remembered that, and then we'd talked about werewolves… And Jake… But the pangs I felt as I recalled that painful conversation were forgotten as I remembered what happened next.

My eyes were drawn back to the corpse next to me as I was immersed in a cold wave of horror. That couldn't have been me. There was no way… I was supposed to be safe…

But as much as I wanted to believe that, I could now vividly recall that torturous burning. I couldn't deny that I'd experienced it, every second brought a greater recollection and the certainty that I would never be able to forget the fiery agony it caused, or the terrifying way I had shut down, losing control of myself to an animal inside of me that I hadn't even known was there. It was the undeniable truth: I'd gotten thirsty.

_What if there had been someone nearby?_

That horrible thought caused me to sink to the ground again, my legs unable to support me. There could have been. _Maybe there was…_ The thought was sickening and I found myself scooting as far away from the dead animal as I could. This couldn't be happening…

My back hit a tree trunk and I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself and think logically. _Come on, Isabella, get a grip. _This was how it was supposed to work. My disappointment that this had actually happened was a testament to how foolish I was, thinking that I was special. Vampires thirst after blood. My thirst had just taken a while to show up, that's all.

But…something wasn't right about this… When I'd come back to myself, I'd had to _recall_ how it felt to be thirsty. I knew for a fact that that wasn't right. Both Edward and Carlisle had describe the thirst as something they were always dealing with, something that never went away. But now there was no burning, no discomfort; my throat felt just as it always had. There was no doubt that I'd felt thirsty, but it had gone as quickly as it had come…

_What was wrong with me?_

I heard Emmett coming before I saw him.

"Bella?" he called as he came into view, stopping next to what was left of the first meal I'd had in almost a month. He looked down at it and whistled.

"Emmett…" I said weakly and he turned to me. "I think it's a good thing I didn't go out with Alice."

"I'd say so," Emmett agreed, and for once there was no hint of amusement in his voice. "You tore off like a rocket—there was no way I was going to catch up, not that I didn't try." His gaze moved back to the moose and he shook his head. "That thing is three times as big as you are. All told I'd say you drank your weight in blood several times over, counting the couple of white-tails I found back there," he jerked his thumb behind him and I moaned, hiding my head in my hands. "Hey," he said gently, kneeling next to me, "this is normal, Bella. You know that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, you just had to feed yourself."

"But I could have hurt someone!" I protested, my voice dangerously close to a wail. "It came so suddenly, out of nowhere… What if I _did_ attack someone?" I shuddered at the thought.

Emmett was shaking his head, and this time he was smiling. "I can promise you that you didn't, Bella." He pointed to his eyes. "They're as gold as any of ours after a good hunt."

"Really?" Relief swept through me so fast that I felt dizzy with it. "Thank goodness."

"Though you have a point," Emmett frowned. "I couldn't catch you and I probably won't be able to if this happens again. We should probably get back home where there'll at least be plenty of reinforcements." He sighed as he offered me a hand up. "It looks like you won't be able to go to school next fall after all, though. You'll need at least a year, probably much more than that, to learn how to control it. Look at Jazz—he's still working on it, and he's been a vampire centuries longer than most of us."

"Emmett, I think something may be wrong," I said quietly. "I'm…not thirsty anymore."

He stared at me for the briefest moment. "Are you sure?" I nodded. "It's not just that you've hunted so it's bearable now?"

"No. It's definitely gone. I feel just like I did before."

Emmett's gaze was thoughtful more than disbelieving as he digested this information. "Alright," he said finally, "I think we'd better get you to Carlisle. Stay close to me, just in case, okay?"

I swallowed down a surge of apprehension before nodding again. Emmett gave me a reassuring smile and we set off, side by side, in the direction of the house.

The sun shone a lot more in Ithaca than it ever did in Forks, which was the primary reason that the Cullens were now a nocturnal family, in the eyes of the community. It was much easier to get away with it in Ithaca as well, seeing as the total population was also significantly larger and eccentricities were more likely to go unnoticed.

It was for this reason that Carlisle was usually home during the daylight hours, either working in his study or helping Esme with her work around the house. When Emmett and I got back home, we found the two Cullen 'parents' relaxing in the family room, snuggled up together and talking quietly.

Probably discussing the events of the previous night.

They so rarely had the time to sit down and talk that I almost wanted to come back later, but that was quickly quenched by the desire to get things figured out. A lot had happened in a very short amount of time and the pace was starting to wear me out. I wanted to know what was going on with me, and if anyone could help, it would be Carlisle.

I knocked timidly on the doorframe, though I was sure they were already aware of my presence. "Carlisle? Esme?"

My surrogate parents looked up at me, smiling. "What is it, Bella?"

I didn't have to answer. As Carlisle's eyes locked with mine, I knew he saw the glaring difference in my eye color and put the pieces together. He frowned, looking thoughtful. Esme's smile disappeared and I knew she understood as well.

"Oh, honey…" In a flash she was by my side and pulling me into a hug and I was holding on to her like she was my only connection to reality.

I needed that mother's comfort in that moment. Far from thinking that hunting was shameful or wrong—because it obviously wasn't, especially when compared to the alternative—Esme understood me. She knew that I'd been hoping against hope that I'd somehow be free of the thirst that bound all vampires; she knew better than anyone how much I'd wanted to be safe around humans. And she knew that, for me, _not_ having any of those things was worse than the thirst itself.

"What happened?" she asked softly, pulling me to the couch across from the one Carlisle was still seated at and sitting with me. "Were you alone?"

I shook my head. "Emmett and I went for a race in the forest. We were just sitting out there, talking." I took a deep, shaky breath. "I started feeling sick, and then my throat was on fire and I was losing control. Next thing I knew, I was miles away from Emmett and I'd killed two deer and a moose. And…it was gone again. The thirst."  
Esme was rubbing my back like Alice sometimes did when I was upset; she said nothing, even though I knew my words startled her, letting Carlisle ask the questions.

"You're sure it's gone?" he asked, echoing Emmett's earlier concerns. When I nodded, he sat back, his eyes far away as he thought.

Esme sighed. "Oh Bella, you must be feeling awful."

"It's not even the fact that I got thirsty," I continued, letting my fears out. "I mean, that is part of it, but I was sort of expecting it all this time anyway—that's how things are supposed to work. I could deal with that, learn control, eventually get to the point where I could go out in public again. But…if the thirst just comes and goes whenever it pleases, I won't be able to do that. Any step out of the house will be a risk, I'll never be safe with people again!"

"I don't necessarily believe that's true," Carlisle contradicted thoughtfully. "We'll have a very good indicator of when to keep you away from people—you're eyes."

I blinked. "You think I'll only get thirsty when I actually need to hunt?"

"I can't be positive, but I think that may be the case." Carlisle smiled encouragingly and I couldn't help hoping that he was right. "You didn't get thirsty until all of your own blood was used up; that leads me to believe that your thirst today was just your body's way of telling you that you needed sustenance. The fact that it disappeared as soon as you were finished hunting only seems to strengthen the hypothesis."

"I was curious about that," Esme commented. "As it became more apparent that you weren't going to get thirsty, I wondered how you were going to sustain yourself. This makes sense."

I looked between the two of them, thinking everything over. "So this might be something I can manage?"

Carlisle nodded. "If I'm right. It'll take some time to get everything organized, of course. We'll need to figure out exactly how long you have in between hunts, or even if it's the same each time. Once we've gotten all of that figured out, you should be as safe around humans as you ever were, as long as we're keeping track of the days. But until then, I think it's better if we keep you here."

I nodded. It wasn't as if I was doing much at the moment anyway. Come September, though… "Will I still be able to start school again?" I asked. It was silly, but I was still worried about pulling my own weight. I wanted to get started as soon as possible.

Carlisle understood and his smile was kind. "As long as I'm right. We should have plenty of information by then, and it shouldn't be hard to arrange for you to be absent when needed."

"And if you're wrong?" It felt almost blasphemous to suggest, but I couldn't help worrying—lives could be at stake.

"We'll deal with that if we have to," Carlisle assured me. "Alright?"

"Alright." I sat in silence for a minute with the two of them, thinking. Carlisle's calm logic and Esme's comforting arm had alleviated the loudest of my fears, but the one that was the most frightening was still present, the one that had been growing from the moment I'd realized that I wasn't the same as the others.

It was growing louder every minute until it was impossible for me to ignore any longer.

"Do…do you know why I'm…why I'm like this?" I asked, my voice so quiet that I could barely hear it.

"Why you're different from us?" Esme asked gently.

I nodded. "And not just you, the rest of the vampire world," I added. "It seems to be my fate. When I was human, I was always different from everyone around me. I never really fit in in Phoenix, and the only people I got along with in Forks were not actually human. Even then, I was the only one Edward's mind-reading didn't work on. And now, as a vampire, I don't get thirsty in the same way as the rest of you. I…I'm scared that something might be wrong with me. Why else am I so different?"

Esme's arm tightened around me. "Bella, honey, I can answer that," she said, and to my surprise, there wasn't a hint of sadness or uncertainty in her voice. She glanced over at her husband, who nodded for her to continue, smiling. "I may not know why you felt so isolated as a human, but you're different from us because the circumstances of your transformation were very different."

Different? Different how? As far as I could recall, my bite and transformation had been every bit as violent as the rest. But no, that wasn't exactly true. Emmett had been mauled by a bear. Alice had lived her human life in an asylum, subject to electrocution and poor living conditions. Esme had tried to kill herself. Jasper's beginning had been nothing short of a nightmare and Rose's story, though I still didn't know the specifics, had been equally as horrific. In comparison, my gentle bite in the meadow seemed like more of a loving gesture.

I frowned. "But…just because I had it easier than the rest of you shouldn't mean that I deserve to get off easy."

Esme laughed. "You're right, Bella. I wasn't talking about what was going on around you, I was talking about what was happening _inside_ of you."

_Inside of me?_ A lot of fear and heartbreak, that's what had been going on inside of me. "You've lost me."

"Am I correct in my belief that from the moment you realized what Edward was—and how much you loved him—you wanted nothing more than to become one of us?"

The memories of that fateful day in Port Angeles, followed by my first visit to the meadow, were vivid and enough to make my heart constrict. Unable to find words, I nodded.

Esme's smile was radiant. "That's what the difference was, Bella. You would have chosen to become a vampire, even if it meant that you would have to suffer for the rest of eternity and fight to overcome a powerful instinct that you would have refused to indulge, even if it meant leaving others that you loved behind. You were willing to be transformed, not for the immortality or the supernatural powers, but for _love_. And even though, in the end, that choice was taken from you, what mattered was that you _would_ have chosen it, despite the large sacrifices it demanded, and you would have chosen it for the right reason—your love for Edward."

It was such a beautiful idea, and Esme's words pierced me straight to the heart. If I'd been human, I would have been in tears. "You…you really think that's true?" I asked after a moment of struggling to find my voice.

"I know it is, Bella. Love is a powerful thing."

"If it means anything," Carlisle added, his voice quiet, "I really think that Esme has the right idea." And if he thought that was the answer, then chances were good that it was.

I nodded. "Thank you," I whispered. "Both of you." Esme just hugged me tighter and Carlisle nodded, his golden eyes glowing. "Anytime, Bella."

I managed to get myself out of the family room, but I don't remember much about the trip, as my mind was fully occupied with what I'd just learned.

Love… Love had saved me from the vampire thirst. Somehow, the love that I felt for Edward, even after he'd left me, had been strong enough to carry me through the three-day transformation and land me here, thirst free. And if love was strong enough to do that…

…Then maybe it could bring Edward back to me too…

Feeling incredibly hopeful, I headed down to the living room where the telephone was waiting.

**Alice—The Next Morning**

I should have brought Bella along.

It wasn't that Rose wasn't good company—she and I had always enjoyed taking these little "getaway" trips—but more that I still felt incredibly guilty about leaving Bella behind when she so obviously needed a distraction.

Rose and I had spent the previous afternoon in a flurry of mall hopping and designer shopping that had managed to distract me for a while, and we'd given a few of our purchases a test run by checking out the local nightlife, but now that the novelty was wearing off, I was better able to concentrate on my guilt.

"She didn't want to come, Alice," Rose sighed for the thousandth time as she saw my troubled expression. We were browsing through an upscale department store, designer names and quality merchandise was at our beck and call. This should have been heaven, but I couldn't focus on the shopping. "Stop beating yourself up about it."

"She was trying to be strong," I contradicted. "She didn't want to be a bother. She was being pig-headed. What if she goes and does something stupid because we left her behind with practically nothing to distract her from Edward's absence?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "You can see the future, Alice, why don't you just prove to yourself that she's going to be fine so that you can relax and we can get back to our shopping trip?"

She had a point.

"Oh, that's _nice_," Rose added, spotting a classy pink top a few feet away. She picked it up and added it to the pile she was already carrying. "I think that's enough for now, I'm going to go try these on. Be back in the real world by the time I'm done, okay?"

She was gone a second later, weaving her way through the displays before I'd had a chance to say a word. Which was perfectly fine because I hadn't felt the need to dignify her with a response. Sighing, I let the real world fade out and concentrated solely on finding Bella's immediate future. We were planning on being home by ten, meaning that if trouble was coming Bella's way, it would have to come before then.

I watched a few harmless episodes play out—Bella helping Esme out around the house as usual, challenging Emmett to an arm wrestling match and losing, which was definitely a first, chatting with Jasper about his classes—but found nothing to imply that Bella was going to be put in harm's way.

I pulled out of the vision a little unwillingly. Rose had been right and Bella was fine, but I still couldn't help feeling a little wrong without her here. After all, she was my sister now, wasn't she? Shouldn't we be doing these kinds of things together?

I shook my head and decided to enjoy what was left of my trip. I found several delicious articles of clothing and even a few that would look absolutely wonderful on Bella, which I decided to get as a gift—I laughed at the idea, then went ahead and purchased them anyway. Bella hated gifts, but gifts were how I showed my love, so she was going to deal with it.

I was perusing through some absolutely adorable skirts when I was overcome by another vision. Maybe it was because I was already so attuned to her from my earlier visions, but this one was about Bella as well. She was outside the house and quite obviously talking to someone I couldn't see. She seemed to be rummaging in the flowers that were planted along the front of our porch, looking for something. As I watched, her hands stilled and her eyes narrowed. She sat like that for a moment, as if listening as carefully as she could.

Then, with lightning speed, Bella was up and spinning around. She'd heard something coming up behind her, perhaps? I watched with interest as her suspicion fell away, replaced by shock. Shock that quickly turned to fear. I felt my own mouth drop in alarm as what she was looking at came into sharp relief.

That… _Tonight?_ No…no, it couldn't be, it was impossible…

_It's the future, Alice, get a move on!_ I snapped at myself.

The vision ended and I almost dropped my bags in my haste. Rose, where was Rose? The changing room still?

"Rose," I called, though my voice was as conversational as if she were standing right next to me. I knew she would hear, and soon enough, I heard her reply.

"What, Alice? Find something good?"

I didn't need to force the urgency in my voice. "We need to hit the road, Rose, we've got to get home before eight."

**Bella**

I had called Edward's phone twice, leaving a message the second time because the first time I'd realized I had no idea what to say and chickened out. I'd then spent the rest of the day with the remaining members of my family, taking the time to sit back and enjoy myself for a while.

We'd played a lot of games, some as old as the sixties and some as recent as the Nintendo Wii Emmett had purchased a few weeks back. It had been, by far, the most fun I'd had in years. I couldn't remember a time when I'd been more at ease with myself and who I was with, nor when I'd had such a great time while losing so spectacularly at Monopoly and Mexican Train. I had quite a glorious comeback, however, when I pulled off a fantastic win over Emmett in an all-or-nothing grudge match of Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Emmett was nursing his wounds for hours.

Eventually things wound down as Carlisle had needed to go to Cornell that evening and Emmett and Jasper set out on their all-night hunting trip along the northern border. I spent the night talking with Esme about everything—what I wanted to do with eternity, what college I wanted to attend first and what I wanted to study, places I wanted to see. I loved having someone to confide in, and it struck me as we talked that things were really starting to fall into place. My questions were being answered and my plans were being laid; everything was set and ready to go.

The only thing wrong was that Edward still wasn't home.

Esme understood. She listened as I talked and managed to hear what I couldn't say. And somehow she always knew exactly what I needed to hear.

The next day, day two of Alice's shopping trip, passed in a bit of a blur. I did all the usual stuff around the house and then went out to sit in the bright sunlight. It still mesmerized me, the way my skin could glitter and sparkle in such a beautiful way. And the feel of the sun on my skin was a whole new experience, now that I was a vampire and significantly cooler in temperature. It was very pleasant, letting it slowly warm my skin, and I think I got about as close to sleep as a vampire can get as I sat soaking in the rays of warmth and light.

By the time I got up, the sun was setting and I was feeling deliciously refreshed. I'd remembered, somewhere over the course of my sun-soaking, that I'd buried my car keys in the front garden earlier that week. In my defense, it had been in an effort to keep them away from Emmett who had taken to stealing them from me only to return them at the most awkward moments possible, usually in front of Carlisle or Esme. At the time, I'd thought I was doing myself and the family a favor, but now I felt a little guilty. I was feeling especially warm towards my parents after our talk the day before, and I thought that maybe it was about time for me to start showing my gratitude for everything that they'd done for me. And if that meant accepting a car as a gift—okay, loan, I still couldn't quite condone just taking it—then I would do it. And I would use it, too.

I walked around to the front of the house and knelt down in its shadow next to the porch steps, where I started digging around in the dirt.

"Hey, Bella!" I heard Emmett call from the house. "Are you finished lying around?"

"More or less," I replied, hoping against hope that he wouldn't come looking for me while I was doing what I was doing—he'd never let me live it down. "What do you want?"

"The forecast says it might storm tonight and we were thinking of playing some baseball when the girls get back. You game?"

I hadn't yet experienced the great American pastime as vampires played it, mostly due to the lack of thunderstorms. I remembered the last game I'd watched—and the events that occurred shortly thereafter—quite well, and while the memories made me shiver, there was no denying that I was eager to try my hand. "Sure," I answered. "But make sure you check that weather with Alice before we leave."

"Will do."

I was having a little trouble locating the keys in the loose, soft dirt. Frowning, I shoved more of it around. I groaned. "Hey, Esme?" I called, wondering if she had been gardening out here lately. I knew I was digging in the right place, I had made sure I wouldn't forget where I buried them, but try as I might, I couldn't seem to…

The key ring slid over my thumb, but I barely noticed because something else had caught my attention. A tiny movement, just behind me, nothing a human would ever notice, but certainly loud enough for a vampire to hear. I paused, waiting to see if a greeting was offered or more sounds were made, but there was nothing but silence. Silence and a long, slow intake of breath.

It wasn't Alice or Rose, that was a fact.

Abruptly, I stood and whirled around, determined to catch whoever it was, expecting Emmett, maybe, or even a complete stranger. I was totally unprepared for what I found.

I seized up, unable to move, unable to breathe, the keys falling unnoticed from my hand as my chest constricted so painfully that I thought my dead heart was going into arrest.

It was impossible.

It wasn't real. It couldn't be.

It was.

It was Edward.


	10. Welcome

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer. **_

**Bella**

_It was Edward._

It was him, standing right in front of me in the middle of the circular drive, staring back at me with a level of intensity that was above and beyond anything I'd ever felt between us before.

Or maybe the time apart made being so close seem that much more significant.

I drank in the sight of him, staring at the features that I knew so well—the curls of copper hair, the eyes that were currently far too dark, every line and contour of his face, everything seemingly so perfect it was almost painful to look at. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him; he was like the oasis for my parched soul. The mere sight of him was soothing and healing to the angry, dry wounds inside of me. And at the same time it was causing me more pain than I'd felt since he'd first walked away.

I couldn't remember how to talk. Words chased themselves around in my head, each phrase sounding more hopelessly stupid than the next; even if I could have found the perfect thing to say, the words would have gotten lost en route to my tongue.

He wasn't talking either. I wanted to think that his unwillingness to break the silence was due to a similar need to just take the sight of me in, but I knew it was probably more the shock of finding me at his family's house—and a vampire, of all things—when he'd thought he'd put me behind him. He certainly didn't look all that pleased, I noted with a sinking feeling that hurt more than it should have.

Forget pleased, he looked like he was wavering between shock and fury. And the fury was quickly winning out.

The sinking feeling was starting to feel more like a plummet.

_It's still not enough. _I'm_ still not enough_. I was an idiot. It had been so stupid to think that he could possibly ever want me back. He'd left because he'd gotten tired of me. Now he'd come back to visit his family and here I was, as naïve and foolish as ever, thinking that a few physical changes could convince him that I was what he wanted. A blatant reminder of past mistakes. How could I have ever thought that he might be happy to see me?

I wanted nothing more than to turn and run but I still couldn't break away from his gaze—the mortification wasn't nearly enough to fight the sheer pull I felt towards him. This was going to be a problem.

"Edward."

I blinked at Esme's soft voice and the trance was broken; Edward's eyes shifted to somewhere over my left shoulder, presumably to his mother who I assumed was in the doorway, and I was suddenly free to move. I heard Esme coming down the porch steps and took advantage of the distraction—I ran. Esme called after me, but I was around the corner and into the woods before she finished the first syllable of my name.

Soon the house was far behind me as I pushed myself further and faster, trying desperately to squelch the hollow, aching pain of rejection.

**Edward**

I'd listened to the message. It had been against my better judgment—I'd known my family was going out of their way to get some message about Bella to me, and the last thing I needed was a reason to think she needed me back in her life—but the self-gratifying, less noble part of my character had won out over my better judgment, as was often the case.

I wanted news of Bella, any news of her.

I was disappointed when Carlisle's brief message had none whatsoever, but the quiet power with which he asked that I come home had me grabbing what little I had and setting out within the minute, phoning airlines for available seats on the next possible flight to America. Carlisle didn't often use his authority as the head of the Cullen family; I knew him well enough to realize that when he did, it was for a reason. If nothing else, I respected him enough to do as he asked and come home for a few days.

Once I was through making travel arrangements, I shut off my phone and left it off. I was on my way home, my family would be able to tell me whatever it was they wanted to in person in about eight hours. It wouldn't hurt anyone to wait that much longer.

I must have imagined hundreds of different reasons for my urgent summoning home during the course of my travel, each of them involving Bella in some way, but that could never have prepared me for what I found when I got there.

It was her voice that I heard first. I was moving north from Ithaca, parallel to the highway, when it reached my ears. I stopped moving abruptly, certain that I was hearing things. I heard Emmett's booming voice saying something about baseball and then… I had to be imagining it. There was no logical reason for why _she_ would be at our house, talking to Emmett about baseball. None. I started running again, determined to prove to myself that Isabella Swan was safely back in Forks where she belonged.

Less than a minute later, I was emerging into the clearing that surrounded the house my family currently occupied. There was someone kneeling in the dirt in the front garden but what she was doing was soon the least of my concerns. No thoughts were drifting my way from her, as if her mind was blank.

No one in my family had that long, wavy brown hair…

She spoke again, calling out for Esme, and there was no more lying to myself. I knew that voice.

She was _right there_…

Involuntarily, I took a step towards her, my body trying to do what my mind knew I couldn't—take her into my arms and hold on for a couple of centuries. I managed to get that impulse under control, but just barely. I distracted myself by reminding myself that she wasn't supposed to be anywhere near me or my family. How had she ended up in Ithaca?

She grew very still and, with a sudden breeze, her unique and delicious scent reached my nose. I took a deep breath and released it slowly, savoring the scent I had craved all this time. I had only just realized that her unnatural stillness probably meant that she had heard me when she was spinning around, her beautiful face full of suspicion.

In that moment, reality came crashing down around me and I knew exactly what my family had been trying to tell me.

My Bella was staring at me with eyes that were as gold as…as a vampire that drank animal blood.

About a thousand questions leapt to my mind as I struggled to grasp this startling development, but they all seemed to pale in significance next to the simple fact that I was standing mere feet from the woman I loved. For a few, soul-healing seconds, I was able to just look at her, to soothe the constant ache I'd been enduring for six months, but her golden eyes kept bringing me back to the ugly truth:

Bella was a vampire. This meant that either my family, against my wishes and behind my back, had taken things into their own hands in an effort to get me home, or…

Or my brilliant plan to protect Bella from vampires by leaving her had backfired in the worst possible way.

The second option was by far the more likely, I realized as I thought it over. Bella was a magnet for trouble, and on top of that, she smelled particularly good. Of course she'd managed to be found by another vampire. And without us there to protect her, she'd been an easy target. It was glaringly obvious now. Why hadn't I been able to see it then?

This was wrong. I'd left so that this wouldn't happen. All the pain, all the suffering, it couldn't have all come to this.

_No_, a voice whispered in my head, one that belonged to a much darker part of me, _it's not wrong. It's what you wanted from the beginning._

That didn't make it right. Not by a long shot.

_Why? You didn't change her. You couldn't. _

It was as good as me.

_You should be glad someone else was able to do it for you. Now you can have her forever without needing to feel guilty. What does it matter if someone else changed her? It doesn't change how you feel. _

No, it certainly didn't. Vampire or not, she was still Bella Swan and I couldn't deny that the one thing I'd wanted more than any other, despite the level of selfishness it displayed in myself, was for Bella to be able to stay with me forever.

_And now she can._

I fought that surge of emotion with everything I had. It wasn't right for me to feel happy about Bella's transformation, not with everything she'd had to give up because of it.

_What are you going to do then? Drag this out and refuse to live? Leave again? Break her heart a second time?_

This was ridiculous. I didn't even know if she wanted me back. If she'd managed to move on, like I'd wanted her to, then maybe she would _want_ me to leave again.

But every second that passed as I looked at her only seemed to prove that moving on had been as hard for her as I had known it would be for me—in other words, impossible. And even though I knew that was good for me, I couldn't quite feel happy about it.

What had I done to her?

I saw it all suddenly—all the pain, all the meaningless living—in her eyes, growing more pronounced as each second passed. Her ordeal had been every bit as horrible as my own. And it was my fault.

My old fear came back, stronger and more true than it had ever been before:

_I don't deserve her. I didn't then, and I don't deserve to heal her now. And it's my own fault._

And yet all I wanted was to fall to my knees and beg her to take me back, flaws and all.

I was so wrapped up in my own conflicting feelings combined with the utterly overwhelming reality of Bella being right in front of me that I did not realize Esme had come to the front doorway until she spoke my name. I looked up at her, both grateful and upset that she'd come before Bella and I had had the chance to say one word to each other. Esme started coming down the porch steps, smiling at me.

Then Bella ran.

Once again my feet pulled me forward without any command from my brain, recognizing the almost painful desire to stay in her presence. And once again, I forced myself to stand my ground. If Bella didn't want to have to stay near me, then I wouldn't force her. No matter how much it hurt.

I didn't want to think about why she'd run.

For a moment, we both stared at the corner of the house where Bella had disappeared from sight. Then, with a sigh, Esme came to hug me. "Welcome home, Edward. Thanks for coming."

I was so disgusted with myself that I was on the verge of physical illness. The woman who had become my mother in every sense of the word shouldn't have had to _thank_ me for coming to visit, not in such a relieved tone. "I'm…I'm sorry, Esme," I said quietly. The first of many apologies I owed to the people I loved.

Esme just nodded and smiled sadly, her arm still around my shoulders. She gestured to the door in front of us. "Why don't we go inside? As I'm sure you've noticed, a lot has happened since we last saw you."

Before I could respond, I heard the sound of Rosalie's M3—recognizable, even after so long—roaring closer. Seconds later the car was screeching into the drive behind us; before Rosalie had even brought it to a stop, Alice was out of the car and tearing up to where I stood, her face absolutely livid.

"What—did—you—do?" she growled, grabbing me by the collar.

"Alice," Esme cautioned sharply, but it seemed that Alice was past reprimands.

"Why is Bella running as fast as she can _away_ from here?" she hissed. "What could you possibly have done to upset her only five minutes after coming home?"

"Exist," Rosalie answered, coming up behind Alice and looking, if not happy, at least less angry than Alice. "I see you finally decided to grace us with a visit, Edward. I'd tell you how nice it is to see you again, but since none of us are all that pleased with you right now, it'll have to wait."

"Rose, please," Esme sighed, but I shook my head.

"I understand," I said simply. I would take whatever they could throw at me. Maybe a good verbal thrashing would help me forget how stupid I'd been.

Rose nodded, smiled slightly, and then moved around us to go inside; still glaring at me with disgust, Alice dropped my collar and backed up. "I guess I'd better go find her," she grumbled. "Knowing her, she's already decided that she can't stay here anymore—we barely got her here in the first place, she was so scared of running into _you_."

"Yes, please, go," Esme sighed, exasperated. "A good run might get all of this aggression out." Alice shrugged, though she did give Esme an apologetic sort of grimace. "But it might be a good idea to take Jasper and Emmett along. They're coming right now."

Sure enough, both Jasper and Emmett filed out of the front door, their faces grim. Rose had probably told them what was going on, though it wasn't unlikely that they'd heard everything for themselves either.

"Why?" Alice asked, genuinely confused.

"New vampire, out on her own," Jasper explained. "Add to that the fact that it's Bella and that we're all a bit unsure how things work with her, and…well, it's just better if you have back up. Just in case."

"But Bella doesn't get thirsty," Alice protested.

"She does as of yesterday," Emmett countered. "Though not like the rest of us."

"We'll explain on the way," Jasper promised. He and Emmett moved to flank me, though I was so caught up in what they'd been saying that I didn't notice until they each grabbed one of my arms.

_Edward,_ Jasper thought at me, _welcome home_.

_Don't go anywhere before we come back, _was Emmett's thought.

_We _will_ hunt you down this time,_ Jasper warned, his eyes narrowing, _and you won't like our methods. Just stay put._

I shrugged out of their holds, starting to feel a little irritated. "I'm not going anywhere," I snapped.

"Don't," Emmett said out loud, his easy expression conflicting with the hard edge of his voice. He moved around me to join Alice and Jasper. _We may be a bit angry,_ he added after a pause, carefully not looking at me, _but we really did miss you. Thanks for coming back._

I said nothing as the three of them disappeared around the house. I let Esme lead me into the house where I knew the last member of the family—the one I'd dreaded facing more than the rest—was waiting.

Sure enough, Carlisle was coming down the front stairs when Esme and I crossed the threshold.

"Edward," he greeted me seriously, if not as warmly as usual.

I almost couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes; it was only when he was standing right in front of me that I managed it. As I'd feared, there was no accusation in his face, and only the slightest hint of something that might have been disappointment. Far more than I deserved. I'd let him down. Again.

"Carlisle," I answered, taking the hand he offered and shaking it.

"Welcome home, son," he said simply. I just nodded, feeling more miserable by the second. "We've missed you." I had no answer to that, not yet.

My own misery had distracted me briefly, but it wasn't enough to make me forget the burning questions I had, nor the continuous aching desire to follow the others.

"What happened?" I asked, looking from one parent to the other. They knew what I was asking.

Carlisle sighed. "Laurent." He turned and walked towards the living room and I followed, pulling out of Esme's grasp in my haste.

"Laurent?" I asked, surprised. I'd thought he had gone to live with Tanya's coven, giving up human blood.

"Bella only recently recalled the circumstances surrounding her transformation," Carlisle continued, sitting down in one of the chairs; Esme did the same but I stayed where I was, standing in the doorway. "She was hiking, alone, and Laurent found her. He would have killed her, but the Quileute werewolves arrived before he could finish. It was the werewolves that later called us when they realized what was happening to Bella."

I could see in the memories he was reliving the surprise he'd felt upon learning that the werewolves were still alive, and I sympathized, but I was too wrapped up in the story to give it much thought. "Why?" I breathed.

"One of the werewolves was her good friend. He didn't want to have to kill her," Esme answered softly.

"Alice and I went back to Forks to get her," Carlisle finished. "She's been here about three weeks."

And they'd been trying to get a hold of me the whole time.

"And she doesn't thirst?" To my surprise, both of my parents smiled when I asked this; as far as I knew, the topic wasn't pleasing in any sense of the word.

"She was fine the entire three weeks," Carlisle nodded. "No thirst whatsoever until yesterday. And then, it only lasted long enough for her to get what she needed. Now she's back to how she was before: thirst-free"

"How?"

Carlisle and Esme looked at each other, silent, but I could see the same scene playing out in both of their minds—Bella asking the same question, and Esme answering: _Love_.

Love for _me_. Was that even possible?

"Edward," Carlisle spoke, commanding my attention with the tone of his voice; I looked back at him automatically. "You can blame yourself, perhaps rightfully, for the pain you've caused her, and your brothers and sisters will likely do the same, for a while, but I can tell you right now that Bella does not blame you. Neither do we," he added, gesturing to himself and Esme. "We realize that you were acting out of love and that you were simply trying to protect her—"

"But it failed," I protested quietly. "It doesn't matter that my intentions were good, this happened because _I _made us leave her. I was too arrogant to believe that I could be wrong."

"Edward," Esme disagreed, "your intentions make all the difference in the world, to Bella, if not to the rest of the family. If you explain yourself, she'll understand."

"And with any luck, we'll all come away from this a little bit wiser," Carlisle added. "Edward. What happened has happened and there's nothing we can do to change that. _Learn from this_. Don't let your guilt stop you from living."

They wanted me to forgive myself for indirectly killing the woman I loved. I had seen what she'd been through in her face in those first few moments, and even if the rest of the family, or even Bella herself could forgive me for being the cause, I didn't know that I would ever be able to.

"We would like you to stay this time, Edward," Esme said quietly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Where you go now is up to you, of course," Carlisle added. "But Esme is right—there isn't a member of this family who would ask you to leave again."

I knew it didn't show outwardly, but his words meant more to me than any advice he'd ever given before.

"It'll depend," I answered slowly.

There was a very exasperated huff behind me and I turned to find Rose standing there, looking quite annoyed. "Edward, I know you're just trying to be noble and do the right thing, but could you do everyone a favor and forget about all this chivalry stuff for a moment? I'm begging you, for once, stop worrying about right and wrong and think about _what you want_. What is all this self-pity going to get you, Edward? You'll guilt yourself into leaving again, probably believing that it's _not right_ for Bella to be in love with an idiot like you. And what good is that going to do? None. You already tried going down that road, and it very nearly tore this family apart, not to mention Bella. So please, instead of trying to do the noble thing, try thinking about what you really want."

Apparently the dark side of my personality had gotten its voice from Rosalie, but all that aside, she had a point. I'd made a mess of things trying to be noble. My options at this point were severely limited, and any way that I looked at it, if I took things into my own hands again I was likely to end up hurting the people I loved all over again.

"I know…what I want," I answered stiffly. "But what happens now isn't up to me."

Rose walked up to me, her eyes suspicious. "How so?"

"Bella ran," I said shortly. "She may not want me here at all. I'm not going to force her to have to deal with me if she doesn't want to."

Rose rolled her eyes. _You're an idiot, Edward._ "So you're saying that if Bella wants you to stay here then you will?" she asked.

I nodded slowly. "If it's what she wants, I'll do it."

Rose looked at me in silence a moment longer before nodding her head once in satisfaction. "Good."

I watched as Rose moved around me and went to sit on the sofa, but my mind was far from what I was looking at.

Bella and I needed to talk. She wasn't ready for it yet—as she'd proved when she'd taken off—but I understood that. I'd let the others bring her back, give her a little time to get used to my being here, and then maybe we could talk.

Steeling myself for a bit of a wait, I walked into the living room and sat down next to Rose. I'd spent so long in solitude that it was a little strange, being surrounded by family again, but by no means unpleasant. Whether I deserved it or not, I had the love of these people. I also had two large brothers and an irritated pixie-sized sister waiting to beat the pulp out of me.

_Welcome home, Edward,_ I thought to myself wryly. For the first time in months I smiled.

Hopefully this time I was here to stay.

_**A/N:Had to get the angst out of the way before any real resolution could happen—that's next chapter! I'd really like your opinions on both this chapter and Esme's theory in the last, if you wouldn't mind. Thanks again for all of your support!**_


	11. Truth

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **_

**Bella**

It was fully dark out. A quarter moon was rising somewhere to my right and there was a wondrous view of the heavens, visible only out here, far from the light pollution of the cities. Somehow all of this registered in the back of my mind, but I was far too preoccupied to appreciate it.

I was probably moving too fast to do so anyway.

I'd always found solace in running, but this time not even the exhilaration was enough to soothe my aching heart. I pushed myself to the very edge of my limits, dodging around trees and rocks and the occasional startled wild animal at speeds that I was pretty sure had never been reached by anything short of a 747. But as much as I tried to distract myself, none of it was enough to stop the sickening ache that was coursing through me.

_Edward..._

I'd wanted nothing more than for him to love me again, for my mortality to be the only thing that had driven him away in the first place. I'd been fool enough to hope that he might even be a little happy to see me. I'd been fool enough to hope at all. The look in his eyes had been more than enough proof that I was the _last_ person he'd wanted to find living with his family.

It was getting harder to breathe, not because of exhaustion, but the way my entire chest seemed to be collapsing in on itself.

Why had I ever listened to Alice? Why had I let her and Carlisle bring me to their new home, why had I let the Cullens slowly integrate me into their family circle? It all came back to Edward and my stupid inability to live without him. Living with the Cullens had all but ensured that he and I would meet up again and I, in my infinite selfishness, had latched onto that. And as a result, here I was, running through the wilderness of Canada, feeling worse by far than I had the first time.

Edward had rejected me again.

Distracted, I nearly ran into an overhanging tree branch. "Get it together, Isabella," I growled out loud. "You're leaving. You're already miles away." Though I doubted I would ever be able to forget, I had to try and put this behind me. Maybe I could head up to Denali and live with the other vegetarian coven for a while, or maybe I could travel alone and see the world. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, except for one thing: I was not going back.

My mind was set, even though it was painful to think about. Whether my intentions had been shallow or not, I'd made a home with the Cullens; they were my family. But they'd been Edward's first and if he didn't want me there then I couldn't stay. It wasn't fair to him. I knew the rest of his family would be upset about it, but they'd be even more so if Edward decided to leave permanently, simply because they'd let me join the coven. It was better this way. They would see that eventually.

Currently, however, they were hot on my trail. I had been able to hear them almost from the beginning, calling out for me to stop, but none of my siblings were fast enough to dream of catching up to me. I would run forever if that was what it took. They would give up eventually. I couldn't go back, no matter how much they, or I, wanted me to. I was not going to be the reason Edward never came home.

I probably could have run forever, but I was unfortunately denied the chance. A grizzly bear appeared in front of me out of nowhere, startling me enough that I lost my footing and skidded to a halt. I found myself mere feet away from the monolithic animal which was now rising to its full height—more than twice of my own—angry at my sudden intrusion.

Being the formidable vampire that I was, I took the obvious course of action.

I froze.

My whole body was locked up in irrational terror. I tried to tell myself that I had hunted once before and therefore should be perfectly able to handle something like this, but the truth was that I couldn't remember a thing about that hunt and I had no desire to drink this animal's blood. Of that I was absolutely sure. The fact that I was dead already didn't seem to matter all of a sudden. What good was being immortal if you spent it in pieces?

The grizzly let out a tremendous roar, one I think would probably have put T-Rex to shame, and all I could do was take a tiny step backward, terrified. But as it dropped to all fours again and started to charge, I heard the approaching footsteps of my family. Seconds later, Alice and Jasper were flanking me and Emmett had tackled the grizzly with a rather bear-like snarl of his own.

It was over in seconds. Emmett wrestled the walking death-machine of an animal to the ground, his laughter mixing with it's snarls, but then the bear was dead and I had to look away.

"Bella," Alice frowned as she and Jasper grabbed my arms, "what were you doing?"

"Playing 'chicken' with a grizzly," I answered sarcastically. "What did it look like?"

"Like you were scared stiff."

"I was." Jasper hastily covered a laugh with a cough and I looked up to find Alice smirking at me. "What?"

"You do realize that you're a vampire, right?" She asked. "Why didn't you just run? None of us can keep up with you so something like a grizzly bear sure isn't going to be able to." Oh yeah. Barely controlling her laughter, Alice proceeded to point out the ridiculous miscalculations I'd just made. "Even if you couldn't run, it wasn't going to hurt you. It might have knocked you into a tree, but not hard enough to do any damage. You're as hard as diamond, remember?"

"...I forgot." They were all three laughing then, and I felt incredibly stupid and a little defensive. "Hey, I'm still new to this, I'm used to being the fragile one!" For some reason, this only seemed to make them laugh harder. I huffed and tried to fold my arms in irritation, forgetting that Jasper and Alice had death grips on them. Vampire or not, I couldn't help it if I still felt a little human sometimes!

...Like now, when my broken heart was demonstrating just how human I could still feel.

The reminder of why I was running brought with it the sudden realization that my brilliant plan had failed—thanks to a meddlesome grizzly and my own lapse of judgment, I'd been caught. I tried to discreetly free myself from Alice and Jasper, but neither was willing to let go.

Alice sighed, her smile fading. "I know what you're planning, Bella."

Well of course she did, she could see the future. Unfortunately, running forever would have only worked if I had managed to evade being caught. Looking at Alice, feeling her vice-like grip, I could tell already that there was little I could say or do to get away. Without my newborn strength I could barely take on Alice, let alone Jasper and Emmett.

"Alice, please," I begged, resorting to my only option, "please, just let me go."

"No." It came from Jasper. "Whether you like it or not, Bella, you're a part of the family. Losing you now would be as bad as losing Edward was."

It meant a lot, hearing that from him, but it still wasn't enough to change my mind. "Even if I could manage staying close to him, which at this point, I'm certain I couldn't, it's not fair to Edward," I protested weakly.

"How so?" Alice demanded.

"He had you first," I mumbled. "If he doesn't want me around, then I shouldn't force my presence on him."

"And what makes you think Edward doesn't want you around?" Alice asked sharply. "Did he _say_ so?"

I frowned. "Well, no, not really," I admitted reluctantly. "We didn't actually talk but I could tell..."

"Oh, for the love..." Alice groaned, closing her eyes in what I could only guess was exasperation. "The two of you really are enough to drive anyone up the wall, you know that?"

I ignored that. "You're not going to let me go, are you?" I sighed.

Alice shook her head. "Sorry."

"But...but what if Edward leaves again because of me?" I panicked. "I couldn't handle that, being the cause of everyone's pain--"

"Bella, please!" Emmett interrupted, covering my mouth with one of his large hands. My strained subconscious noticed that he was as crisp and clean as he'd been this morning, unruffled by the heavy running and the feast he'd just had. Funny. "If Edward really doesn't want you around, which we all know already is _not_ the case, then he's going to have to deal with it," he shrugged, his face breaking into a grin. "The Cullen family, collectively, wants both of you, not one or the other, and since we outnumber you both, six to two, we're going to get what we want, even if we have to sit on you to keep you from leaving."

"I told you already, Bella, it's too late for you to leave without leaving us as miserable as we were without Edward," Jasper agreed.

I was weakening, but only a little. I knew already that I wouldn't handle leaving these vampires behind very well, but my fear of trying to live side-by-side with Edward after everything that had happened between us was still too great.

"Look," Alice said calmly, pushing Emmett's hand away. "While I don't doubt that Emmett really would sit on you as long as it took to get things straightened out, we're not going to force you to stay if you really want to leave."

I looked up in surprise. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, are you?" Emmett echoed, frowning.

Alice nodded, but before I had time to feel the least bit relieved, she was speaking again. "That does not mean that we are going to let you make yourself and the rest of us miserable for no reason."

"Sounds a lot like someone else we all know," Emmett teased, causing me to growl at him resentfully. I couldn't help it. My nerves were frayed and I was five-seconds away from being forced to face my worst fear.

"Remarkable, really, how similar the two of you are," Jasper agreed with a smirk. "Both moronically set on being as unhappy as possible."

"I am literally at the end of my rope here," I growled. "You might want to think twice about what you say."

Alice cut Emmett's reply off, which was probably a good thing. "We will let you leave and promise not to follow _if_ you talk to Edward first. If you can't manage that, then I'm afraid Emmett is going to have to sit on you after all. Those are your only options."

Panic set in again, chasing away the irritation. They were going to make me face him. I was going to have to own up to my foolishness and wait for him to pass judgment on me. "Alice," I croaked, "it's not going to do any good."

But Alice, sensing my weakening resolve, and perhaps seeing the future change as well, just smiled. "Oh, I think you'll find it will," she shrugged. "Now are you ready to come home?"

_No._ I was the furthest thing from _ready_, but I didn't resist when she and Jasper started running, still guiding me from either side.

I was too nervous to even try.

OoO

It was only after I had been threatened multiple times and had meekly promised not to run again that the three of them left me alone on the edge of the clearing where our house sat. Yes, I knew that if I did take off I would have had no problem staying ahead of them, barring any more unforeseen grizzly bear complications, but at this point I was resolved to my fate. If nothing else, Jasper, Alice, and

Emmett had managed to convince me that they would actually follow me wherever I went, waiting for the next opportunity to drag me back. Besides, Alice would have known right away if I was planning on running again, and she would have made sure I couldn't. The only reason she left me in the first place was because she had checked to make sure I wasn't planning anything of the sort.

My hands were tied.

I walked slowly around the perimeter of the clearing until I came to my favorite spot—a little old gazebo that was almost entirely surrounded by trees and therefore secluded, invisible to anyone in the house. I'd spent a lot of time in this gazebo, listening to the birds sing and thinking. I sat down on one of the wooden benches, trying not to think because I inevitably started feeling sick whenever I did.

_Maybe he'll refuse to come. _Of course, I couldn't decide if I actually wanted that to be the case.

I didn't have much time to get any further conflicted. I had barely sat before I heard him coming. Before I could turn my head, he was there, standing in the entrance to the gazebo, watching me.

For the briefest of moments it didn't matter that I was terrified of him. It was just so good to see him again...

But there was no escaping it. As healing as his mere presence was to me, I still felt like the world's greatest idiot under his intense gaze. Ashamed, my eyes dropped to my feet. "Hi, Edward," I said softly.

"Hello," he answered, voice just as soft.

Silence.

Nervously, I scuffed one of my feet against the wooden floor. "So, I...guess I surprised you. Being here." I really was an idiot. What the heck was I saying?

"'Surprised' probably wouldn't quite cover it."

"Yeah. Sorry about that." He said nothing and I suddenly found myself victim to an insane desire to laugh. A strained chuckle escaped me and I shook my head. "Sorry. I'm sorry, Edward."

"Startling me like that was not your fault."

Another shake of the head. The urge to laugh was gone, replaced by the overwhelming desire to eliminate the mounting tension. "Not just for that. For everything."

"Everything?" The dangerous tone of his voice almost shut me up again, but I forced myself to talk, determined to get this over with so I could leave and he could be happy.

"For all of this. For even being here. I knew you wouldn't want to find me here." I stood up abruptly, still looking anywhere but at him. "I'm really sorry, Edward. Really. And now that I've said it, I'll just go." It was hard to tell in the dark, but he seemed to be in the same mood he'd been in earlier, which meant the sooner I left the better. The pain that realization caused was so crippling that I could barely force myself to walk past him calmly.

I'd gotten down the gazebo steps before he spoke. "Bella," he said, his voice strained. We turned simultaneously to face each other, and as much as I wanted to smile and promise that I was fine and that it was okay for him to tell me to go, I knew I wasn't going to even manage a steady voice.

"No, it's fine, Edward." I attempted a half-smile, trying to counter the obvious shaking in my voice. "You won't ever see me again, I swear, I'll stay far away. You were here first. I'm not going to force you to avoid your family only to avoid me. Okay? I'm...glad you came h-home."

I _was_ happy about that. If I couldn't manage to make the most of things, then at least Edward would be okay, back where he belonged. I knew I could hold onto that when things got unbearable, and it was that that gave me the strength to add, "Good...goodbye."

I drank in the sight of him for a moment longer, wishing that he would say something, _anything_, even if it was "good riddance". Anything to acknowledge that I was here and about to walk out of his life forever. But as the seconds ticked by, all Edward did was stare at me. I don't think he was even breathing.

It was the ultimate slap in the face, but at the same time all that I could expect. I clamped my mouth over the sob that was threatening to escape and nodded once, screwing my face up against the searing pain. Then I turned, preparing to run far away and not look back.

But before I could take the first step, Edward had followed me down the steps and grabbed my wrist.

"Wait. Please."

I was so surprised that I stopped breathing. In the brief seconds of silence that followed I turned back to him, utterly confused. This didn't make any sense. The look on his face had been enough to say that he wanted me gone, so why wasn't he letting me go?

"Bella..." He hesitated, and if I hadn't known better, I would have sworn he was struggling to find the right words. Edward Cullen, speechless?

"I promise, I'll do it," I said softly, thinking that maybe he didn't believe me. "I can see how angry you are, and I understand."

"That isn't it." Another long moment during which Edward looked at me so hard that I thought he might be straining to hear what I was thinking. "My anger is not at you, not at all. I'm sorry I gave you that impression."

_Not at me..._ What was that supposed to mean? "What _are_ you angry about?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

Edward moved then, coming a step closer to me, still holding my wrist tight. I could see his face much better at this distance, and what I saw wasn't what I expected. "If I promise to answer, will you tell me something first? The truth?"

Hesitantly, I nodded. Edward had used this tactic to trick me into saying things I didn't want to before, but I had absolutely no strength or desire to resist him at this point.

"Why are you so anxious to leave?" For the first time, I saw uncertainty, even fear in his face. It baffled me, even as I cringed at having to admit how foolish I was to him.

"I... Edward, because I...I just want you to be happy... And if that requires my leaving, well...so be it." I looked down. I didn't want to see how he took this revelation that I was, and probably would remain for eternity, still in love with him. Obsessed with him, even. He probably thought of me as a stalker. I shook my head back and forth, holding back tears that would never fall but felt as if they were threatening to anyway. _Oh, Edward..._

"No," he said softly. Then his free hand was under my chin, gently pulling my face up again so that he could see me. "Don't leave. Please." I just stared at him, utterly unable to remember how to talk. His voice was intense and urgent, almost pleading. "I want you to stay. I _need_ you to."

My brain was in overdrive. What was going on? He wasn't making sense, not unless he had decided, for some idiotic reason, to pretend I could still make him happy. I had to set him straight, to let him know that as much as I wanted his love, I couldn't take it if it wasn't real.

All I managed was a very unimpressive "what?".

"I very nearly killed myself, walking away from you, Bella," he continued, softly; all of my rampant thoughts fell silent. "For the past six months my life has been nothing but never-ending agony, all because I couldn't have _you_."

A thousand responses ran through my mind, most of them protests. But as I thought over everything he'd just said and looked up into his eyes, all I had strength for was the one that rang the most true. "I know the feeling." Even to myself I sounded worn out and confused. But at long last I thought I was beginning to understand. Somehow, Edward _did_ still care, but not in the way that I did. So now he felt obligated—a horrible word, I flinched just thinking it—to help me feel better, even if that meant making me believe that it had all been a horrible misunderstanding. I was getting so tired of dancing around like this. Why couldn't we just say what we really thought?

Edward was frowning, something about my earlier answer or current facial expression upsetting him. He didn't speak for a moment so I decided to voice the concerns that were currently plaguing my mind. "Edward," I sighed, my voice still irritatingly shaky, "I really appreciate that you're trying to help me out, but you should know that you don't have to pretend for me. I can handle the truth." Actually I doubted that, but I was certain that were I to say so, he would be even more determined to carry out this charade.

Edward ran his hand through my hair almost absentmindedly and I found myself struggling to stay focused. His expression was now one of frustration. "I'm not pretending, Bella," he insisted. "I don't know how to say it so you'll believe me. I only have my word, and whatever time you allow me to use to convince you." I pondered the concept of time with Edward and found that I liked it a lot. "I have to say that leaving you was, and will remain, the worst mistake I have ever made."

His tone was so sincere that I found myself wanting to believe him, even thinking that he might actually be being honest. But before I could accept anything he was telling me now as absolute truth, there was one thing I needed to know.

"Why did you leave?" I asked.

Edward didn't even hesitate. "Because I loved you." My mouth fell open. It was probably the one answer I wasn't expecting.

"That seems...somewhat oxymoronic," I said, opting for the obvious response in order to cover how confused I was.

"It was certainly moronic," Edward answered darkly. "It was foolish and rash of me, but it is the truth. I left you, I lied to you, because I loved you enough to have to try."

I bit my lip. "I don't understand," I admitted.

"I wanted to protect you from this," he clarified bringing his free hand up to my face and brushing his thumb against the skin next to my eye. "From the world of vampires. I wanted you to be safe from me and my dangerous family. So I told you I was tired of you and left, assuming that you would be able to move on. I never expected you to react so negatively to my absence, Bella, or I never would have tried to force us apart. I had no idea how much you...actually cared about me."

_That _got my brain running again. My mouth fell open in disbelief. "You didn't know _that?_" I demanded once I'd gotten over the initial indignation. "How could you not have know how much I loved you? You told me once that I was like your brand of heroin. Didn't it occur to you that you were the same to me? I loved you just as much, Edward Cullen. I still love you, and I will continue to, no matter what happens now."

"I know that," Edward said softly, catching me off guard. "At least, I do now." He laughed slightly at my surprise. "Carlisle told me about your special circumstances. It would take something tremendously powerful to prevent you from getting thirsty."

I had worried about explaining that to him, but he was not reacting at all in the way I thought he would. "...And...you're okay...with that?" I asked slowly.

Edward laughed. "Much, much more than just 'okay'," he assured me. "I don't think I could ever communicate what exactly your loving me, like that, means to me. And I don't think that I will ever be able to understand why either." The combination of the gentle tone of his voice and the mind-blowing meaning of his words left me in such a daze that I didn't even bother to correct him. He was handling this surprisingly well for someone who was allegedly pretending to love me... I had been certain that my unexpected declaration of eternal love would bother him. I had expected him to hesitate, to realize that he was in way over his head.

Apparently that wasn't the case.

"It amazes me that, after everything that I've done, all the lies I've told and the unfathomable anguish I left you in, you could still find it in your heart to love me Bella," Edward continued. "To answer your earlier question, this whole time, I was angry at myself. For hurting you, for failing to protect you, and for making you think that you had to apologize to me." That actually did make sense. It would be just like Edward to shoulder all of that guilt himself. If what he was saying was actually the case, then he probably wouldn't ever forgive himself. "In light of that, it seems all I can do now is beg you to forgive me for being so obviously wrong and causing you so much pain."

I shook my head, still feeling a little dazed. "You know I'm not going to blame you, Edward."

The small smile that graced his face as he answered was so beautiful that it took my breath away. "I know."

I was reeling. Nothing was turning out the way I had expected it to and I found myself, somehow, without knowing how, believing him. The idea of him loving me was still so ridiculous in my mind that I couldn't quite grasp the reality of it, but I found myself completely and utterly willing to take him at his word.

"I love you, Bella," Edward said finally, his eyes gazing intently into mine. "You are my entire reason for existing. The only reason I was able to survive without you for a century was because I hadn't met you yet. And you should know that I don't plan on living without you ever again."

It was my turn to say something. I'd already declared my love, and a simple 'I believe you' seemed so weak next to everything he'd been saying to me, so I did the next best thing.

Using my free hand, I pulled his head down and kissed him.

If I'd still had doubts, they were all erased in that moment. Edward pulled me as close as he could and proceeded to kiss me senseless.

Suddenly I absolutely loved being a vampire.

When Edward would kiss me before, it had always been with a large amount of caution and an even larger list of boundaries that couldn't be crossed. My safety had always been his first priority when I was a mortal. But now, now that I was equal with him in almost every way, and aided considerably by the fact that we'd been living without each other for half a year, caution was abandoned and the rules were forgotten.

Edward was kissing me the way I'd always wanted him to. And he was doing it without hesitation, without regret, without any kind of remorse. Instead he combined infuriating gentleness with intoxicating passion, further banishing any lingering doubts as to his feelings.

Edward loved me. I knew it, I had from the moment I'd seen him smile while I boldly declared that I would love him for eternity. For some reason, Alice had been right. I was enough. I always had been.

OoO

It was much later when we finally came back to the house. After that searing first kiss, Edward and I had sat together on the gazebo steps and talked. We covered a surprisingly wide range of topics, considering how easily we managed to get distracted. We talked about where he'd been and what he'd been doing and then what had happened to me since arriving here in Ithaca. Edward understood my desire to finish high school and promised to do so with me, even though he had already admitted to thoroughly detesting high schools. I had the sneaking suspicion that high school with Edward now was going to be a bit more fun than it ever had been in Forks.

We never did run out of things to talk about. When we walked into the house just before dawn, holding hands, we were still talking quietly.

Alice was waiting, leaning against the frame around the entrance to the living room, her arms folded and a smirk on her face. Edward and I looked at her in silence for a moment before she rolled her eyes with a heavy sigh.

"'Up the wall'," she repeated, her smirk turning to a grin at her clever little way of saying 'I told you so'." She then turned right around and danced back into the living room. "It looks like the Cullen family is complete at last," she announced.

Edward squeezed my hand and I smiled up at him. Then, together, we walked into the living room to join the rest of our family.

_**A/N: Just the epilogue left... Leave your thoughts! I'm also considering writing a sequel. (And by "considering" I mean I pretty much have it planned out in my head.) There's a poll over on my profile page concerning whether or not I should attempt such a feat. Head on over there and tell me what you think! Thanks again for all the reviews and the support!**_

_**And I just have to say: I love Edward Cullen. Even though he can occasionally be a bit of a moron. :)**_


	12. Epilogue

_**Disclaimer: The Twilight Universe belongs to Stephanie Meyer. She's doing "Breaking Dawn" quotes of the day on her website, starting tomorrow!**_

**One Month Later**

It had been a long time since I'd been quite this nervous. I'd had very little to be worried about over the past month, that was true, which was probably making my nerves now all the more severe by contrast.

The thought of the last month distracted me for a moment, bringing a smile to my face as I sat behind the darkened windows of my little Audi, waiting. It had been, without a doubt, the happiest month of my life.

No surprises there. I had Edward back. And he loved me as much as I loved him.

He had been going out of his way to make sure I knew that ever since he'd moved back in with us. For the first two weeks we rarely left each other's company, a fact I hadn't minded at all. I had been trying to make up for lost time, yes, but there was also a small part of me that was afraid that I had dreamed up the whole thing and if I were to let him out of my sight, he would disappear again.

But the weeks went by and Edward didn't disappear. Every day that past left me with greater confidence in him and his love for me. He had even gone ahead and registered the both of us to attend Ithaca Senior High in the fall, determined to be by my side through the remainder of my education. It really should have been impossible for someone to be as happy as I now was, but I would have dared anyone to try having their own Edward Cullen for eternity and being unhappy about it.

_Edward for eternity... _

The thought of being with him, forever, was almost too wonderful to comprehend. And yet, somehow, that was the lot that I had been granted. How had I gotten so lucky?

Well, I knew the answer to _that_. It was the same reason that I was sitting alone in my car, watching the raindrops hit the windshield, feeling somewhat like I wanted to throw up. I looked down at the dashboard to check the time, feeling my stomach lurch as I registered that there were only a few minutes left.

Was this really a good idea? It had seemed good from the safety of my own room three days ago. Edward and I had been relaxing on the sofa together, me listening while he groused about how long it had been since he'd listened to any good music. It had been his idea of replacing every single one of his C.D.'s, as well as his stereo system, that had opened the door for me to voice a nagging desire that had been growing inside of me for several days.

"Edward, you do _not_ need an entirely new music collection," I had sighed, exasperated.

"It really isn't any trouble, Bella," he'd protested earnestly. "I wish you were able to understand that—money really isn't an issue for us."

I rolled my eyes. "I understand that perfectly," I disagreed. "What I don't understand is why you feel the need to _spend_ that money so flagrantly."

"What good is it to us if we let it sit around?" he asked, grinning playfully at me as I smacked his arm in protest.

"Spend your money on something you don't already have! You have a perfectly good collection in Forks, Edward."

"Yes, but then I'd have to go through the trouble of driving all the way out there, packing it up, and driving back."

"Which is going to take you _so _long," I scoffed. "You drive faster than everyone in this family. The drive there and back isn't going to be that bad."

"Without you it would be."

My breath caught slightly and my response died on my lips. Edward was teasing me, I knew that, but I also knew that he meant it. I couldn't help smiling as he pulled me closer, tightening his arms around me.

"Duly noted," I said through my grin, "though I still think you should go to Forks."

"You really want me to leave?"

I laughed. "Yes."

"Oh." The tone of his voice was priceless, really, an adorable combination between confusion and amusement.

"That doesn't mean I want you to go anywhere without me."

He was silent for a minute and I waited for the response I knew was coming. "I can't take you to Forks, Bella."

"I know," I sighed. I couldn't go back to Forks, not for a very long time; being anywhere near it was probably just as bad of an idea, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to go back. "But..." I was a little afraid of telling Edward what I was thinking. I was almost certain he'd be opposed to the idea. Edward waited patiently for me to continue, which I eventually did, my voice quiet. "I need to go back, Edward. Just for a few hours. I need to see Jacob."

Edward had opened his mouth to protest, but my last statement stopped him.

"He's the reason I'm here," I went on. "He was my best friend in Forks and I wasn't there for him during the hardest time of his life. And after all that, he went out of his way to save my life and get me back to you. I need to thank him for that."

In the moments that followed I felt true anxiety. There was no way Edward was going to be okay with this. Jacob was everything he hated, from being a werewolf to being potential competition for my affections. Besides, he had always been so protective of me that I didn't think he would be too pleased about allowing me some alone time with a vampire's worst enemy.

That was why his next words surprised me. "I agree."

I turned around abruptly to get a good look at his face, which was unreadable. "You do?"

He nodded slowly. "Though I'd prefer a phone call or a letter to an actual visit."

I didn't bother to protest. I could tell already that Edward knew I would insist on seeing Jake in person. "You mean it?" I asked. "You'll take me?"

Edward paused, then nodded again. "On a few conditions," he added. "You call ahead to let him know you're coming and you stay far away from Forks."

"Done," I said immediately, relieved that Edward wasn't being stubbornly unreasonable about this. He'd loosened up quite a lot since his return but there was a look in his eyes that told me, in no uncertain terms, that he wasn't very happy about any of this. "Thank you," I said meekly.

He nodded, smiling slightly despite his obvious lack of enthusiasm. "Of course."

"Why are you agreeing to this?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me. "Is this the same vampire who fought so stubbornly against my being changed?"

Edward chuckled. "Several reasons. My own prejudices aside, I owe him as much as you do and I think thanking him in person would only be right. And...I know you care a lot about him."

Was that uncertainty flashing across his face? _Oh, Edward..._ I took his face in my hands. "Yes, but I care about you more," I promised. "Thank you for understanding, Edward. I love you."

He answered by pulling me into a kiss.

We had set out two days later, using my car as it was the least likely to be recognized by anyone from Forks, should they be anywhere around. Edward drove us to the front door of his old house where he got out and I took the wheel. He would pack up what he wanted from his room and be waiting when I was done. He sent me off with the traditional "be safe".

So here I was, waiting just outside of the Quileute reservation at noon, as Jake had requested when I'd called earlier, wondering if I'd been too impulsive. It had been hard to tell over the phone if Jake had been happy or not at the idea of a visit—the whole conversation had been a bit rushed and awkward. What if he couldn't stand me as a vampire? Could Jake attack me?

My nervous panicking was interrupted by a sharp knock on the driver's window. I jumped slightly and looked to see a dark outline that was unmistakably my best friend.

My anxiety left me instantly. Jake was grinning.

I threw the car door open and leaped out, engulfing Jake in a bear hug, laughing despite the rain.

"Jake!" I squealed as he picked me up and spun me around.

"Bella," he laughed in a voice that was deeper than I remembered, but still him. "I am so happy to see you. You have no idea." He set me down and held me out at arms length, as if checking to make sure I was okay. "You're shorter," he teased.

I smacked his arm. "You're gigantic," I responded. It was true, he was quite a bit bigger than he'd been when I'd last seen him, as a scrawny teenager. Remembering the conversation I'd had with Emmett what seemed like forever ago, I hit him again.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You might have told me you were turning into a werewolf, Jacob Black," I scolded. "I could have helped you out!"

Jake released me, holding up his hands in protest. "I couldn't, Bells, I swear! I was under orders not to tell you, specifically! I wanted to, believe me!"

"I still wish I could have helped, you, Jake," I grumbled. He grinned and ruffled my wet hair fondly, much like my older vampire brothers liked to do. I could see a habit in the making, one I was going to have to stop before it went any further.

"No harm done, right? I'm fine, really. Sorry for not telling you. How did you find out?"

"Put two and two together after talking to the Cullens," I shrugged. In the brief silence that followed, a gust of wind passed between us. Jake's nose wrinkled in response and his smile lessened slightly. "What?" I asked.

Jake's grin returned as fast as it had gone. "Oh, nothing. You just smell a bit like a vampire."

"Well I wonder why," I said sarcastically. "Only a bit?"

Jake nodded. "Usually it's a lot worse."  
"Lucky you." Now that he mentioned it, there was something different about the way he smelled, more woodsy, more canine, but not terribly awful. "_You _smell a bit like a wet dog."

Jake grinned and shook out his wet hair—it was much shorter than it had been before, I noticed—and gestured to the car. "Maybe we should get out of the rain."

I nodded and he dodged deftly around the front of the car to slide into the passenger seat as I slid into my own. We shut the doors together. I turned to Jake, grinning. He probably thought I was insane, but I couldn't help it. This was the perfect way to end the first perfect month of my life.

"How have you been, Bells?" Jake asked eagerly after wrinkling his nose again, probably smelling Edward's more pungent vampire scent. "You look great, by the way, not that you didn't before."

I laughed. "Thanks. I've been...really, really good," I admitted. "Honestly, I can't remember ever being happier. The only bad thing's been not being able to see you."

"I know," Jake sighed. "That totally sucked."

"How about you?" I returned the question. "How have you been?"

Jake shrugged. "Oh, you know. I started out miserable, I missed you a lot, but I...I sort of met a..."

His reluctance to talk was both frustrating and endearing. "Met a what, Jacob?" I pushed with a grin.

"A girl," he finished sheepishly.

"No, not one of those," I gasped in mock surprise.

"Yeah, I know, shocker," Jake grinned, encouraged by my teasing. "Her name is Anna. She's from the Ozette Reservation, just north of ours. She came down to visit family in La Push, and...well...things sort of clicked."

"That's great, Jake!" I said.

"Yeah, it really is," he agreed. "And...I'm sorry I was so pushy with you. You know...before..."

I waved it off. "No harm done," I repeated his words. "I'm just happy you're happy." I was nothing short of relieved that he'd found someone who could make him this happy, more than I would ever have been able to. "She'd better take good care of you."

Jake grinned. "That's enough about me," he said, "I want to hear more about you."

"Well, you'll be happy to hear that I'm only mostly vampire," I offered, causing him to raise an eyebrow.

"How so?"

"I don't thirst after blood at all, unless I'm in need of some nourishment, and even then, I tend to shy away from humans."

This news seemed to be exactly what Jake wanted to hear. "That's amazing, Bells!" He looked out the front windshield, frowning for the first time since our reunion. "I can't tell you how often I worried that I made the wrong decision in letting you live," he admitted. "I thought for sure you'd end up miserable, haunted by a thirst that you couldn't control. I wondered if it wouldn't have been more humane to let the pack..." his voice trailed off and I nodded, understanding. "Anyway, it's just a huge relief to hear you're okay and happy."

"Very. Thank you, Jake." He nodded. "And please pass that on to your pack. I owe all of you, but you most of all, so very much."

Jake shrugged. "I wasn't going to let my best friend die at the hands of my family."

I reached over and squeezed his hand. "Really, Jake. Thank you." I couldn't possibly tell him enough. Everything, my happiness, my family, I owed to him and his wolf pack.

Jake squeezed my hand in return. "Bells, you know you don't need to thank me. What was it you said? I'm just happy that you're happy. That sums it up pretty well in my opinion."

I beamed at him.

Jake and I sat in the car talking for hours, long enough for the rain to stop and the sun to peak out between the clouds and the trees. I really didn't want to leave Jake but Edward was waiting and it probably wasn't a good idea to stick around much longer.

"I'm going to write to you, Jacob Black, and I want to hear back," I said as he opened his door.

Jake nodded and pulled me into a one-armed hug. "Thanks for coming by, Bella. I really wanted to see you again."

I nodded, hugging him back. "Take care of yourself."

"Tell your vampire to take care of you, or he'll have an angry werewolf pack to deal with."

I laughed. "I'll pass on the message."

Reluctantly, Jake pulled away and slid out of the car. "I guess I'll see you later, Bells."

I nodded, refreshed and uplifted by the encouraging smile he was giving me. Not forced, not fake, just truly and completely happy. "Bye, Jake."

OoO

Edward was waiting for me when I drove up, leaning against the porch railing next to four large boxes. I got out of the car, feeling completely and incandescently happy. Everything really was alright now. Jake and I were friends again and I was going to spend eternity with the love of my life.

"Hey," Edward said as a walked slowly around the car to where he was standing on the porch. "How did it go?"

I shrugged, smiling at him. "Fine. He's happy. I'm happy."

"Seems like everyone's happy." Edward was smiling now too, probably relieved that I was back unharmed, both physically and emotionally. "You were gone for quite a while. What did you talk about?"

"Life. My thirst. His new girlfriend." I noticed that Edward brightened considerably at this news and I laughed. "He says if you hurt me you'll have a werewolf pack hunting you down," I added, grinning."

Edward pulled me into his arms with a matching smile. "That's one mistake I don't plan on making again," he promised.

"I rather thought so."

"Anything to avoid an encounter with werewolves."

I laughed, genuinely pleased that Edward was laughing and teasing with me. It seemed that everyone really _was_ going to end up happy, even the solemn, masochistic vampire that I had first met a few miles away from this very spot and fallen in love with soon after.

Maybe there really was such a thing as "happily ever after".

I looked up at my vampire and found him smiling at me, his gaze full of love. I reached up and pulled him down into a searing kiss, determined to take advantage of everything that I had been given.

Jake was okay. Edward was mine. I was happy.

It was all thanks to the wolves.

_**A/N: And there it is! Finished! What a ride... Leave me a note and tell me what you think!**_

_**Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed or PMed me! I am so grateful for all of the support! The prologue for the sequel should be up soon, along with a (not so) short little oneshot based on the Avatar:The Last Airbender universe, if any of you are into that. Best wishes, and thanks for coming with me on this rather long and often frustrating but totally satisfying ride!**_

_**EB**_


	13. Author's Note on Blue Moon

Dropping by, out of nowhere to say:

At long last, next chapter of "Blue Moon" up and running!

Many apologies. Things should be much better now. Here's hoping!

EB


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